Tag: HAES

Up In The Gym, Working On My Fitness

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Exercise. It can seem like a dirty word, right? Like a curse.  I’ve never been that big on exercise. For example, in gym class as a kid, I would purposely get hit with the dodgeball so I could sit down.  I was tall, uncoordinated, and fat. Starting in 2nd grade I was almost always the tallest and biggest girl in class.  

I have tried many things over the years, some of which I enjoyed and some I hated – almost exclusively for the purpose of losing weight.  Now, that’s not 100% true – I loved tap dancing in college and the two years of karate I did, but otherwise, most things were punishment for being fat and eating too much.

Enter working with my nutritionist.  We had been working on mindset, feelings about my body and Intuitive Eating but not much about movement.  During one session I mentioned that I enjoyed going to Curves back in the day and only stopped because the rents in Manhattan are insane and they were sorta forced out.  I followed the owner to another gym but I hated it – because I really don’t like traditional gyms. So, Diana asked me what about Curves I liked the most and I said, “I knew what to do – you go in, you do your circuit, and you get out.  I liked the music and the coaches and the community aspect”  

She then said something that pretty much changed my life.  She said, “Oh, that sounds very similar to this new place I heard about called OrangeTheory, and one just opened down the street.”  Well, I immediately went home and started doing what I do best – research. I looked at the company’s main website, I watched YouTube videos, I read blogs, and I searched on Pinterest.  

I was pumped and wanted to try it, but I was also scared.  I’m still fat and haven’t worked out in any real capacity in years.  I’ve dabbled and done things at home here and there but I didn’t stick to anything longer than two or three weeks (if that).  I thought about walking and losing more weight and getting more fit before I started. BUT I couldn’t stop watching YouTube videos and reading blogs and basically obsess over this gym.  My husband finally said – just go and try it! And my Mom agreed – she said, “What are you waiting for?” 

I hemmed and hawed a few more weeks, walked past the place a few times and looked through the windows, and finally, I walked in and talked to the nice woman at the front desk and she signed me up for my first FREE class during Mayhem.  The 2nd hardest week of classes at OrangeTheory (the first being Hell Week). AND I did it and I didn’t die – in fact, I distinctly remember feeling proud of myself. I had so much fun – it was the hardest thing I’ve done since giving birth to my son and I loved every stupid minute of it!  And I signed up right then and there for a membership.  

That was the middle of May 2019 and I have consistently gone 2-3 times a week since.   Have I lost weight? Probably – I don’t do the scale anymore, but my clothes all fit better – I’ve gone down a size in shirts, pants, and had to buy new bras.  Have I gained muscle mass? YES! I can actually feel my biceps and my legs are super shapely. Have I become a fitness person? You bet…it’s crazy, but I love going to my OrangeTheory classes.  I look forward to them, I miss them when I have to be away, I adore the people I’ve met there from the other students to the staff. The coaches are phenomenal, they play the best music, and there is so much community – exactly what I was looking for.

Is it for everyone? No. If you hate group classes or hate the rower or treadmill or weights – then you are not going to like it.   I love it. Hands down, the most I’ve stuck with anything since those dancing days so many years ago. I have gained confidence, respect for my body in ways I didn’t have, and I’m just super proud of myself.

It’s crazy to call myself a fitness person, but I really am and it’s amazing!

What does your fitness journey look like?  What do you do for exercise and why do you love it? Please share below!

 

Resources

Looking to obsess and research the crap out of OrangeTheory Fitness (OTF)?  Look no further than this list of cool YouTubers and books!

OrangeTheory’s Website – here you can see what makes them different and check to see which studio is closest to your house 

Andrew Coleman Smith – the MAIN man of OTF YouTubers – he also has a Facebook Group

Grace Keller – Very down to earth Mama who keeps it real

The Fat Gay – Hilarious. Downright hilarious – he is fluffy and he is killing it at OTF.  

Hashtag Sab – She is sooooo amazing and her Instagram content keeps me motivated

Splat! – The funniest book I’ve read and totally relatable.  Want to know what Hell Week is really like? Read this book.

PUSH – One of the main founders of OTF’s book – I haven’t actually read this yet but it’s on my TBR list.  

 

The form you have selected does not exist.

Mindful Food Tracking

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I’ve been working with my nutritionist for awhile.  First, we started with my mindset, being okay with who I am right here and right now.  Not putting off goals and life just because I carry extra pounds, being happy and enjoying life and food because life is meant to be enjoyed.  Once we felt like I was doing okay with that step, we moved on to mindful food tracking.  This can bring up so many emotions for a person who’s been dieting or “trying to change her eating habits” for years.  It can bring up memories of Weight Watchers journal and points, failed attempts at “watching” what I eat and about lying about certain foods on those journals because people will see them, people will judge me, people will punish me for enjoying chocolate.  This was different.  It was just for information to start seeing how my body reacts to hunger.  How my body tells me it’s hungry.  It was about learning and exploring and being curious.

Information vs Judgement

To track your food, mindfully, you need to be in the right frame of mind. This isn’t about judging yourself, beating yourself up for eating, or about calories.  The type of tracking I do for hunger and fullness cues from my body.  I believe that each of us is different.  I believe that our bodies react differently to being hungry and being full.  The problem with distorted eating (binge eating, binging-purging, or not eating) – it causes the body and the mind to stop talking and then you can’t really know what your body is trying to tell you.

Tracking

Start with a goal and keep it simple.  I started with wanting to figure out my hunger cues, then I moved on to the other side of that coin – fullness cues.  If you’re trying to see how balanced your meals are or why you’re raiding the office fridge at 3 PM then you’ll have different goals and different things to track.

Once you have an idea of what you want to track, think about how you want to track. Online app, spreadsheet, or a simple notebook? I have used all three and while I’m using a shared google sheet with my nutritionist now I really like simple notebook the best.

I started with Time, Food, Hunger/Fullness on a scale of 1-10 (for me, 1 on hunger was going to eat my own arm off and 10 was not hungry at all and 1 on the fullness scale was I still need so much food and 10 was going to need a wheelbarrow to get me away from this table full), and then a space for journal or notes.  I have just recently added a space for tracking my daily movement.

I keep it easy and simple without measurements.  I’ll write for breakfast:  2 eggs, sausage veggie patty, coffee, half and half, sugar, and grape tomatoes. Then I’ll write I had a level 5 hunger and afterward, I was at a 7 for fullness.  I ate breakfast at 8:12 AM and in the notes column I marked down that I finally remembered to put down the phone for the entire time I was eating. I also marked down that I went for a 10-minute walk this morning after I put my son on the school bus.  Done.

Helpful Tips

  • There are charts online with the hunger and fullness cues and I have one somewhere, but actually I had more fun when I wrote one for myself with funny sayings and things that might happen – like eating my own arm – it helps me connect better to the scale and to what I’m personally feeling, but I had to work up to that.
  • If you are unsure about what you’re feeling then wait five minutes and check in again.  I know they tell you to drink water if you think you’re hungry and it’s not time to eat, but I’m not sure I agree with that – that seems like old school diet talk.  If you’re hungry, you are hungry.  Hunger and the feelings associated with it are so hard – it took me months to finally figure it out and some days I still miss them.  Fullness was a tiny bit easier, but not by much.  I’ve been working on this with my nutritionist for a year and a half and I still don’t feel like an expert on my own body’s cues.
  • Start small, if writing down what you’re eating is too triggering for you, then just write down time and hunger or fullness levels and a maybe a sentence about where you are or what you’re feeling – maybe even one word.  8:12 AM, hunger 8, stressed – done!  At least you are bringing some attention to your body and your feelings before you sit down to eat.
  • Because for me, this is what it’s really about.  Bringing some attention to your body so you’re not a floating head.  Please tell me I’m not the only one that doesn’t fully live in side her body and walks around totally disconnected most of the time?  I mean, I’m getting better about this, but still – I run into walls, knock into tables, and think I’m smaller than I am because I’m not fully embodying my self.   
  • Slow down when eating. This was so hard for me and some days it’s still so hard for me, but if I can be present with my meal, say thank you for the farmers and the animals (since I’m not vegetarian or vegan) and the truck drivers and my husband for buying the food and my stove for working, then I’ve slowed down enough to not be rushing into my meal. I also try to put my fork or spoon down sometimes and check in with myself.  Is the food tasty?  Am I still hungry?  What am I feeling?  I put the utensil down and look out my window, think about my day or my son and something funny he said.  I put an intention into my day of peace and joy and happiness.  It works, because food should be eaten with JOY not with punishment…but more on that in another post.

Your Turn

So what do you think? Have you ever tried tracking your eating in this manner? Does it work for you or do you find yourself slipping back into old destructive habits?  Hiding what you’re eating from the chart – which no one should see if you’re doing this for yourself – but I know that feeling, oh I shouldn’t write down the Peanut Butter Cups I just ate, because those are “bad” and I will be a “bad” person because I ate those.  That’s bullshit and I’m here to tell you that, if you want to track that you enjoyed every last bite of those PB Cups, then write them down.  If you ate them and barely remembered, write that down too so next time you buy them you’ll slow down and enjoy them. I’m not telling you not to eat them, because chocolate is a major food group for me and I need it a few times a week in some way or another.   Enjoy life…and that includes food!  Thoughts?

 

The form you have selected does not exist.

I Feel Like A Failure

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Get ready for some real talk.

For the past few years I have been learning about and implementing Health At Every Size (HAES) and Body Positivity into my life, but for the past few months, I’ve been hating myself and my body.  Generally, I feel like a failure. A big fat failure.

I am fat.  That’s a fact.  I don’t say this as a negative thing, I say it as if I would say, I’m tall. It’s a descriptor – nothing more and nothing less.

I had negative self-talk going through my head for years – and I don’t know where it came from as my parents and my immediate family have always been loving, kind, and amazing – but I would hear things like: You are too fat to exist, you shouldn’t be allowed to be outside or eat in front of strangers, you are worthless, you are stupid, you totally suck!

Body Positivity, HAES, and Intuitive Eating along with working with a nutritionist and therapist have helped – I have made huge strides.  I started doing Facebook Live videos, finished my book and self-published it on Amazon, started marketing and meeting other writers and readers online.  I stopped hating myself all the time and started truly enjoying life again.  But lately, I’ve been sliding into the negative self-talk again.  I’ve been eating to console myself, to make myself feel better when I’ve had a somewhat bad day, or I didn’t sleep well, or just because it’s Tuesday.

Hate

And for me, at least, when I start to hate my body and it’s size it slips into other areas.  I start telling myself things like: you are a bad mother, you are a terrible friend, people don’t like you, how dare you think you should exist, or be outside, or talk to people.  You suck!

What I hear in my head is not always pretty, and it’s not the truth – this I know.  But in the moment, when I’m already feeling down, I believe the voices. Luckily, I still have all of my supports in place and will be talking to each of them, leaning on them, relying on them, and continuing the hard work but I feel like a failure. I feel like I have failed at being a good person because I slid back into self-hatred and not fully embodying self-love.

I feel like, once again, I just proved the voices right – that I suck, that I can’t do anything right because I screwed up again.  The thing is, I haven’t screwed up – I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t set the world on fire, I didn’t start a war or anything, but I still feel like I failed myself.  I showed myself that I am unworthy. Again.

Food

It’s weird, too, because when I hate myself I eat poorly (now I’m going to stop right here and say that no food is inherently BAD or GOOD, it’s just FOOD – but I know for ME and me only that I feel better when I eat proteins, veggies, fruits, and drink more water). I don’t exercise or get any movement in.  I feel bad, eat crap, don’t move, feel worse – oh right, it’s because I suck – rinse and repeat.

When I’m feeling more positive, I take better care of myself.  I walk or dance or do yoga because it’s fun! I eat food with lots of colors and textures and I look forward to cooking and fixing my plate.  I feel better, I do better – I keep feeling better, rinse and repeat there too.  Until it stops.

This time though, I knew to stop and ask myself – when was it last working?  When was I last feeling good, doing good? What can I do to get back there? 

For me, it’s reading some Body Positive books and Journaling. 

Love

So I grabbed a book from the library called Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth that’s been amazing and I started back with my morning mindset practice (which I talked about HERE). And I’m slowly coming out of the fog of self-hatred and back to feeling better about myself and where I’m headed.

And I’m going to keep talking and working with my nutritionist and therapist.  I’m going to keep moving one foot in front of the other, forgiving myself and being compassionate about my mistakes and my missteps, but it’s hard.  It’s hard to be still and love myself when I feel like I’ve failed.  I need space and time and kindness – towards my self.

I also need people, my community, my tribe – I need to continue doing the things I love – writing these blog posts, connecting with people on Instagram, doing my Facebook Live videos because I’m an extrovert and I need that connection.  I work from home so I don’t always see people in real life during the day, but if I can feel connected to writers, readers, fans, and family or friends I will feel better.  I know this, but when you are knee deep in feeling like you suck, you assume everyone thinks you suck and you withdraw – and for an extrovert, that’s horrible.  It’s the exact wrong thing to do.

You?

So I’m here – being completely open and honest and brave in what I’m owning up to.  I feel like a failure, but I’m still growing and learning. I’m trying and failing, getting back up and trying again.  What do you guys do when you feel like you’ve failed at something?  How do you handle these feelings of I Suck? How do you get yourself back on track with your goals?

 

The form you have selected does not exist.