Month: November 2018

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I wasn’t going to write about self-care today, but I saw this ad that really kinda irked me.  It’s for a random cookie company and the print ad is just a lovely white background and a picture of the cookie and the ad copy says: Ahhh, self-care!  That’s it, nothing else.  And tiny in the corner is the cookie company name and logo.  I love that we as a society are talking about self-care and how self-care isn’t selfish and that it is definitely needed, but marketing companies have now latched on to that idea and turned it into a money making scheme.

Starbucks is not the only way

And this bugs me because self-care and the conversations around the subject are mostly aimed at women – we don’t know how to say NO, we take on too much, we don’t ask for help (this is an over generalization – I know that not everyone has this problem) – and now we’re buying told that buying the cookies, buying the lattes, buying the weighted blankets are self-care.   Trust me, time at Starbucks to drink a grande white chocolate mocha while I read a book is totally self-care for me, but it’s not the only way!

I’m not trying to discount the need for fuzzy socks, good coffee, and products to help us feel more like ourselves.  Not at all – but self-care is also learning to say NO to things you truly do not want to do OR knowing you are tired and taking a nap OR talking to a friend or therapist about some deep-seated issues or just the fact that your husband or partner pissed you off.  Those are self-care items too.

Treadmill Vs Napping

Self-care is so individualized for each person, each month, each day, each moment.  My self-care routine and your self-care routine should look different.  You might like pole dance exercise classes and I might like dancing to YouTube videos.  You might like running on a treadmill while I like lighting candles and doing spell work.  You might like napping, I might like singing.  It should look different.  And your Monday is definitely going to look different than your Friday – and that’s okay!

Each person needs to figure out what their self-care routine is going to look like or need to look like and it changes based on the day, time, stressor, or mood. I’m not quite sure if I have a point or any suggestions, other than to say don’t let ads sway you.  If you don’t let ads tell you what type of laundry detergent to by, then don’t let them sway you into what self-care IS and NEEDS to be to be determined “real” self-care.  

Listen, if you like a particular kind of cookie or treat and taking that time each day with a cup of coffee or tea then yes, that most definitely is self-care – buy the cookies, have the pretty plates and cups! But if you think that’s all that self-care is – just buying things and being a consumer, then maybe we need to re-think what self-care is.

Everybody needs TIME

Self-care isn’t selfish –  I believe everybody (and I do mean everybody -women, men, and children) needs time to just be, to refill their cup, to do the things that make them happy –  EVERYBODY needs that. We are told, as a society, that taking time like that is bad,  that it’s lazy,  that you shouldn’t need that….but then that same society is pushing buying things as self-care as the only acceptable way.  I’m here to tell you – NO…buy the things that make you happy, but real self-care should be YOURS and yours alone. 

I believe that as long as you communicate your needs to others and make sure the people in your life are on board and that everyone gets the time they need, then whatever you do for that self-care is fine (you know, barring it’s not hurting anyone else).  It’s healthy to take that time away from providing for others and just provide for yourself.  Read the book, watch the TV show, have the latte, buy the cookies and blankets and fuzzy socks – but make sure it’s what YOU want, not what you think society wants.

What are you going to do today for self-care? Tell us in the comments below.  Me? I took a walk and actually dictated this blog post and now I’m going to have a lovely cup of French Vanilla coffee and watch an episode of a TV show I just started on Netflix before diving into work.  I hope you have an amazing day!

 

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I Stopped Stopping and Started Again

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Why do we stop ourselves?  Why do we stop doing the things that we know help us?  Do we want to stay stuck?  Or is that just me?

See, I can write a bunch of things and blame everyone else, but the truth is – I stopped.  I stopped doing my morning pages, stopped walking, stopped dancing, stopped singing, stopped getting my tarot cards out, stopped finding my joy.  I stopped being happy.  I let the circumstances, the stress, the drama, and the work get in the way of me and my happiness.  I stopped because it got too hard, too busy.  I stopped because I was too tired, too stressed out, too mad at everyone around me (okay, not everyone…but I swear, people are the worst!).  I stopped. Me, I did that.

I don’t necessarily want to stay stuck in a rut, stuck in a “mood” as it were, but once you are there it is sooooooo hard to stop, so hard to get out of that place – that comfy place of discomfort.  I know, that makes no sense, unless you’ve been there – but trust me, once you get to that place, it’s almost impossible to find your motivation again, to find the “get up and go” that you need to try again, to start again.  It’s so hard to get out of the mood and start being happy again, especially when your life is still chaotic, stressful, and murky.  (Yes, I got that word from Phoebe on Friends – come at me, bro!) I had to make a choice, I had to decide to stop. I had to start doing something else. So, I stopped stopping and started again.

Not fully…but I am writing again – in fact, the first draft of novel #2 is underway – and I’m rearranging my life to get rid of some of the stress, the drama, and the work to allow myself some space to breathe, to play, to just BE for a while.  I work hard, maybe too hard, and I push myself until I can’t push any longer, then I get sick or something happens that makes my world crash and I have to stop.  This time, I’m stopping before that happens.  I’m getting off the merry-go-round, on my own accord.

What does this mean?  I’m not sure yet. All I know is that these last few months have seen me stressed out, irritable, angry, and mad at the world.  I have literally said the words, “I hate everyone!” at least once a week (or more).  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  I don’t want to be bitter and angry.  I want to be happy and joyous.  I want to feel light and fulfilled.  I’m taking some control back in my life and giving myself permission to be happy, to do the things that make my soul sing.  Watch silly Romantic Comedies (Music and Lyrics anyone?), play Disneyland on my Xbox with my kid, dance to every silly 80s song on YouTube just because, and write and keep writing and write some more.  Because I love writing.

Have you stopped doing something that you love?  Have you stopped allowing the space and time for the things that make you happy?  A few weeks ago I talked about how we aren’t really taught how to be happy, and I think it’s so easy to give up the happy feelings and the things that make us happy for similar reasons.  Misery loves company, but I believe happiness does do – so join me below, let me know the things you love to do and the last time you allowed yourself some time to do them and let’s keep each other accountable. Happiness can be our normal, I believe it can.

 

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