I Stopped Stopping and Started Again

Why do we stop ourselves?  Why do we stop doing the things that we know help us?  Do we want to stay stuck?  Or is that just me?

See, I can write a bunch of things and blame everyone else, but the truth is – I stopped.  I stopped doing my morning pages, stopped walking, stopped dancing, stopped singing, stopped getting my tarot cards out, stopped finding my joy.  I stopped being happy.  I let the circumstances, the stress, the drama, and the work get in the way of me and my happiness.  I stopped because it got too hard, too busy.  I stopped because I was too tired, too stressed out, too mad at everyone around me (okay, not everyone…but I swear, people are the worst!).  I stopped. Me, I did that.

I don’t necessarily want to stay stuck in a rut, stuck in a “mood” as it were, but once you are there it is sooooooo hard to stop, so hard to get out of that place – that comfy place of discomfort.  I know, that makes no sense, unless you’ve been there – but trust me, once you get to that place, it’s almost impossible to find your motivation again, to find the “get up and go” that you need to try again, to start again.  It’s so hard to get out of the mood and start being happy again, especially when your life is still chaotic, stressful, and murky.  (Yes, I got that word from Phoebe on Friends – come at me, bro!) I had to make a choice, I had to decide to stop. I had to start doing something else. So, I stopped stopping and started again.

Not fully…but I am writing again – in fact, the first draft of novel #2 is underway – and I’m rearranging my life to get rid of some of the stress, the drama, and the work to allow myself some space to breathe, to play, to just BE for a while.  I work hard, maybe too hard, and I push myself until I can’t push any longer, then I get sick or something happens that makes my world crash and I have to stop.  This time, I’m stopping before that happens.  I’m getting off the merry-go-round, on my own accord.

What does this mean?  I’m not sure yet. All I know is that these last few months have seen me stressed out, irritable, angry, and mad at the world.  I have literally said the words, “I hate everyone!” at least once a week (or more).  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  I don’t want to be bitter and angry.  I want to be happy and joyous.  I want to feel light and fulfilled.  I’m taking some control back in my life and giving myself permission to be happy, to do the things that make my soul sing.  Watch silly Romantic Comedies (Music and Lyrics anyone?), play Disneyland on my Xbox with my kid, dance to every silly 80s song on YouTube just because, and write and keep writing and write some more.  Because I love writing.

Have you stopped doing something that you love?  Have you stopped allowing the space and time for the things that make you happy?  A few weeks ago I talked about how we aren’t really taught how to be happy, and I think it’s so easy to give up the happy feelings and the things that make us happy for similar reasons.  Misery loves company, but I believe happiness does do – so join me below, let me know the things you love to do and the last time you allowed yourself some time to do them and let’s keep each other accountable. Happiness can be our normal, I believe it can.


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