Tag: body positivity

Working out at home is NOT easy…I miss OrangeTheory

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Day 42 (I think) of quarantine and, luckily, we are doing okay.  It’s just – when you live in Queens, NY (you know, the epicenter of the epicenter) it makes going out to do anything tricky.  I haven’t actually left my apartment building in four weeks.  I’ve done laundry in our basement and grabbed mail & packages from the lobby, but I haven’t stepped outside in weeks.

 

I knew I needed to keep up with my exercise habit, I mean before this I was just a few classes shy of 100 workouts at OrangeTheory Fitness. I was feeling a part of that community, made great friends, and felt so much better. I had more energy, was sleeping better, just overall felt better.  And then the reality of my home life changing, adding in online schooling, and the fact that outside is kinda scary kinda stopped me from working out altogether.

 

For the first month of lockdown, I only did one at home OTF workout. You see one of the reasons I joined OrangeTheory was because I hate working out at home. I’m not self-motivated. I have no inner reserve to call upon to get the workouts done. I need classes and a coach and good music.  

 

After that first month, I wasn’t sleeping well.  My energy was shot and I was cranky. Part of this was missing exercise, but another part was just my overall routine was disrupted so I decided to create a new morning routine that would include some sort of movement.  I have a really old book on my shelf called “8 Minutes in the Morning” where you do two strength type exercises a day with a warm-up and stretching afterward.  I did the whole book about 15+ years ago when I lived in a studio apartment in Manhattan so I knew I could manage them here in Queens.

 

I looked through the book one weekend and then set my new routine up.  I would get up at 6 am – do my morning pages, affirmations, meditation, and then grab the old book and do the warm-up, moves, and stretching.  So far, I’ve only missed one day due to not sleeping well the night before. Otherwise, I’ve been really consistent and I just started week 3 this past Monday.

 

The book is a 4-week program so I’m thinking after it’s over I’ll either do the whole thing again or start doing some of the OrangeTheory YouTube videos. I’m back into the swing of things and feeling strong again. I’m feeling ready to tackle a longer workout.  It was really hard to go from 3 one-hour workouts a week consistently to nothing for a full month.

 

Now, I’m still feeling the effects of quarantine, but I am able to handle things better. I have more patience with myself and my family. I’m able to manage my stress levels, get really good sleep (most nights), and laugh instead of scream when things get tough.

 

How are you handling things? Are you getting in some movement? Are you able to get out and about where you live?  Just know that it’s still all okay.  I needed some movement, but it doesn’t look like it did before and that’s fine, so if you’re not able to do the things you did before, know that eventually, we will get back. I hope.

 

 

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OrangeTheory’s Transformation Challenge & What I’ve Learned About Myself

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

We are half-way through OrangeTheory’s Transformation Challenge and I have learned a few things about myself and just in general that I would like to share.

💪 I love the community aspect of OTF and the challenge BUT I’m not much of a joiner when it comes to the themed weeks. Sorry, but I only have regular workout clothes, not costume pieces. I do like the ones where we have to take pictures with other people and wear our colors.

💪 Going three times a week is still all I can manage right now. In fact, I did two classes in a  row (Tuesday and then Wednesday, both at 12noon) and I thought I was legit not going to make it to Friday.

💪 OrangeTheory is not only great for my physical health, but it’s also doing wonders for my mental health. I could be having the worst day ever but I come out of class with a smile on my face. 

💪 Even though I am slow and lift using lighter weights, I have amazing form and I am getting stronger and faster. I did some chest presses with 15-pound weights and I’m power walking at 3.3 mph consistently. For me, this is HUGE!

💪 InBody Scans definitely give you more information than a regular bathroom scale — I gained a pound during our midpoint weigh-in but according to the other numbers it was all muscle so score.

💪 I am a fitness person! I miss OTF when I’m gone for too long, I’m thinking of signing up for the DriTri (which sounds slightly terrifying), and I have a 5-year goal of participating in a RunDisney race — who am I?!?! I never thought I would be this person…EVER. 

If you are an OrangeTheory junkie, like me, how’s the transformation challenge been for you?  If you do some other type of exercise – can you see similarities between what I’ve learned and how it’s been for you as a fitness person? 

Let me know in the comments below – I would love to hear your stories of getting stronger and faster and having more mental health!

 

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Up In The Gym, Working On My Fitness

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Exercise. It can seem like a dirty word, right? Like a curse.  I’ve never been that big on exercise. For example, in gym class as a kid, I would purposely get hit with the dodgeball so I could sit down.  I was tall, uncoordinated, and fat. Starting in 2nd grade I was almost always the tallest and biggest girl in class.  

I have tried many things over the years, some of which I enjoyed and some I hated – almost exclusively for the purpose of losing weight.  Now, that’s not 100% true – I loved tap dancing in college and the two years of karate I did, but otherwise, most things were punishment for being fat and eating too much.

Enter working with my nutritionist.  We had been working on mindset, feelings about my body and Intuitive Eating but not much about movement.  During one session I mentioned that I enjoyed going to Curves back in the day and only stopped because the rents in Manhattan are insane and they were sorta forced out.  I followed the owner to another gym but I hated it – because I really don’t like traditional gyms. So, Diana asked me what about Curves I liked the most and I said, “I knew what to do – you go in, you do your circuit, and you get out.  I liked the music and the coaches and the community aspect”  

She then said something that pretty much changed my life.  She said, “Oh, that sounds very similar to this new place I heard about called OrangeTheory, and one just opened down the street.”  Well, I immediately went home and started doing what I do best – research. I looked at the company’s main website, I watched YouTube videos, I read blogs, and I searched on Pinterest.  

I was pumped and wanted to try it, but I was also scared.  I’m still fat and haven’t worked out in any real capacity in years.  I’ve dabbled and done things at home here and there but I didn’t stick to anything longer than two or three weeks (if that).  I thought about walking and losing more weight and getting more fit before I started. BUT I couldn’t stop watching YouTube videos and reading blogs and basically obsess over this gym.  My husband finally said – just go and try it! And my Mom agreed – she said, “What are you waiting for?” 

I hemmed and hawed a few more weeks, walked past the place a few times and looked through the windows, and finally, I walked in and talked to the nice woman at the front desk and she signed me up for my first FREE class during Mayhem.  The 2nd hardest week of classes at OrangeTheory (the first being Hell Week). AND I did it and I didn’t die – in fact, I distinctly remember feeling proud of myself. I had so much fun – it was the hardest thing I’ve done since giving birth to my son and I loved every stupid minute of it!  And I signed up right then and there for a membership.  

That was the middle of May 2019 and I have consistently gone 2-3 times a week since.   Have I lost weight? Probably – I don’t do the scale anymore, but my clothes all fit better – I’ve gone down a size in shirts, pants, and had to buy new bras.  Have I gained muscle mass? YES! I can actually feel my biceps and my legs are super shapely. Have I become a fitness person? You bet…it’s crazy, but I love going to my OrangeTheory classes.  I look forward to them, I miss them when I have to be away, I adore the people I’ve met there from the other students to the staff. The coaches are phenomenal, they play the best music, and there is so much community – exactly what I was looking for.

Is it for everyone? No. If you hate group classes or hate the rower or treadmill or weights – then you are not going to like it.   I love it. Hands down, the most I’ve stuck with anything since those dancing days so many years ago. I have gained confidence, respect for my body in ways I didn’t have, and I’m just super proud of myself.

It’s crazy to call myself a fitness person, but I really am and it’s amazing!

What does your fitness journey look like?  What do you do for exercise and why do you love it? Please share below!

 

Resources

Looking to obsess and research the crap out of OrangeTheory Fitness (OTF)?  Look no further than this list of cool YouTubers and books!

OrangeTheory’s Website – here you can see what makes them different and check to see which studio is closest to your house 

Andrew Coleman Smith – the MAIN man of OTF YouTubers – he also has a Facebook Group

Grace Keller – Very down to earth Mama who keeps it real

The Fat Gay – Hilarious. Downright hilarious – he is fluffy and he is killing it at OTF.  

Hashtag Sab – She is sooooo amazing and her Instagram content keeps me motivated

Splat! – The funniest book I’ve read and totally relatable.  Want to know what Hell Week is really like? Read this book.

PUSH – One of the main founders of OTF’s book – I haven’t actually read this yet but it’s on my TBR list.  

 

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We Are Not Taught How To Feel Our Feelings

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Last week I talked about being happy, and how we aren’t really taught this growing up – for better or for worse.  This week I want to touch on something else most of us weren’t taught – how to feel our feelings.

Again, this isn’t a judgment thing – our ancestors were too busy struggling to find food and raise children the best they could with what they had, but if we stop and think about it – it’s a huge skill that needs to be taught.  I’ve been working with my nutritionist on this the past few weeks and it’s kinda extraordinary how important it is to our well being.

Bam! Information Overload

On Monday, I watched a video from my Editor/Writing Coach about my latest first draft – it was her general notes, overall impressions, and thoughts about my novel – and, although it wasn’t too negative, it became apparent that I needed to write a whole different story from a different character’s Point of View.  And I was feeling things – big things!

I was feeling stupid – I mean I just spent months writing 78,000 words and now it’s all crap?  I was feeling like an amateur – how dare I call myself a writer?!!? I was feeling conflicted and confused and usually, this sends me to the bottom of a cookie package or an entire box of Mac and Cheese.  Or I turn on Netflix, grab my phone, and completely numb out.  This time though, I just stood there and asked myself a few questions.

Stop! Hammer Time…Uh, I mean – Listen

What was I feeling? And where in my body? My shoulders were tight, my stomach was doing flips, and my heart felt heavy.  Great! Now what?  I stopped and felt my body and what it was trying to tell me, but I didn’t really know what to do with that.  I can tell you that just stopping and asking myself those questions did stop me from binging  (both food and Netflix) and let me see the problems I was facing with a clearer mind.

When I went into my nutritionist’s office on Tuesday I was still trying to sit with my feelings and we talked about what to do next. She suggested a few things – journal or talk things out, ask if there’s anything I can do to alleviate the feelings within my body – movement, singing, talking – and we googled pain symptoms and their meanings.  Shoulders and heart had to do with Authentic Self and being true to yourself, making sure you are heard.  Stomach had to do with feelings of confusion, fear, and worry.  Whelp — that’s pretty much described exactly what I was dealing with.  Being authentic with myself and owning up to my intuition and the fact that I’m still learning, I’m allowed to make mistakes, I’m allowed to start over.

How Dare You!

See, the thing was – part of me wanted to give up, the part that was ashamed I had made the mistake in the first place.  But my authentic self knew I would be destroyed.  I am a writer, and I’m a new writer – yes, I have one book published, but that does not make me some sort of expert.  Far from it, and that’s okay.  My body was telling me to listen to the rest of my soul, to the rest of the voices- the positive voices, the ones cheering me on and telling me it will be okay.

And so…I have come out on the other side without binging, without losing a day to Netflix and old Friends reruns, and I have a plan to move forward on my writing goals.  I have also come to understand myself a little bit better and I have a little bit more knowledge about how to stop and listen, feel my feelings, and move through them – not around them, not ignore them – listen to them, listen to what they are really trying to tell me.

Our Bodies Aren’t the Enemy

Have you ever learned how to sit with your feelings or do you ignore them?  If you have sat with your feelings, what happened?  I would love it if you’d share below in the comments.  I think the more we talk about these things, the more we learn and grow and realize that our bodies are not the enemy.

 

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Mindful Food Tracking

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I’ve been working with my nutritionist for awhile.  First, we started with my mindset, being okay with who I am right here and right now.  Not putting off goals and life just because I carry extra pounds, being happy and enjoying life and food because life is meant to be enjoyed.  Once we felt like I was doing okay with that step, we moved on to mindful food tracking.  This can bring up so many emotions for a person who’s been dieting or “trying to change her eating habits” for years.  It can bring up memories of Weight Watchers journal and points, failed attempts at “watching” what I eat and about lying about certain foods on those journals because people will see them, people will judge me, people will punish me for enjoying chocolate.  This was different.  It was just for information to start seeing how my body reacts to hunger.  How my body tells me it’s hungry.  It was about learning and exploring and being curious.

Information vs Judgement

To track your food, mindfully, you need to be in the right frame of mind. This isn’t about judging yourself, beating yourself up for eating, or about calories.  The type of tracking I do for hunger and fullness cues from my body.  I believe that each of us is different.  I believe that our bodies react differently to being hungry and being full.  The problem with distorted eating (binge eating, binging-purging, or not eating) – it causes the body and the mind to stop talking and then you can’t really know what your body is trying to tell you.

Tracking

Start with a goal and keep it simple.  I started with wanting to figure out my hunger cues, then I moved on to the other side of that coin – fullness cues.  If you’re trying to see how balanced your meals are or why you’re raiding the office fridge at 3 PM then you’ll have different goals and different things to track.

Once you have an idea of what you want to track, think about how you want to track. Online app, spreadsheet, or a simple notebook? I have used all three and while I’m using a shared google sheet with my nutritionist now I really like simple notebook the best.

I started with Time, Food, Hunger/Fullness on a scale of 1-10 (for me, 1 on hunger was going to eat my own arm off and 10 was not hungry at all and 1 on the fullness scale was I still need so much food and 10 was going to need a wheelbarrow to get me away from this table full), and then a space for journal or notes.  I have just recently added a space for tracking my daily movement.

I keep it easy and simple without measurements.  I’ll write for breakfast:  2 eggs, sausage veggie patty, coffee, half and half, sugar, and grape tomatoes. Then I’ll write I had a level 5 hunger and afterward, I was at a 7 for fullness.  I ate breakfast at 8:12 AM and in the notes column I marked down that I finally remembered to put down the phone for the entire time I was eating. I also marked down that I went for a 10-minute walk this morning after I put my son on the school bus.  Done.

Helpful Tips

  • There are charts online with the hunger and fullness cues and I have one somewhere, but actually I had more fun when I wrote one for myself with funny sayings and things that might happen – like eating my own arm – it helps me connect better to the scale and to what I’m personally feeling, but I had to work up to that.
  • If you are unsure about what you’re feeling then wait five minutes and check in again.  I know they tell you to drink water if you think you’re hungry and it’s not time to eat, but I’m not sure I agree with that – that seems like old school diet talk.  If you’re hungry, you are hungry.  Hunger and the feelings associated with it are so hard – it took me months to finally figure it out and some days I still miss them.  Fullness was a tiny bit easier, but not by much.  I’ve been working on this with my nutritionist for a year and a half and I still don’t feel like an expert on my own body’s cues.
  • Start small, if writing down what you’re eating is too triggering for you, then just write down time and hunger or fullness levels and a maybe a sentence about where you are or what you’re feeling – maybe even one word.  8:12 AM, hunger 8, stressed – done!  At least you are bringing some attention to your body and your feelings before you sit down to eat.
  • Because for me, this is what it’s really about.  Bringing some attention to your body so you’re not a floating head.  Please tell me I’m not the only one that doesn’t fully live in side her body and walks around totally disconnected most of the time?  I mean, I’m getting better about this, but still – I run into walls, knock into tables, and think I’m smaller than I am because I’m not fully embodying my self.   
  • Slow down when eating. This was so hard for me and some days it’s still so hard for me, but if I can be present with my meal, say thank you for the farmers and the animals (since I’m not vegetarian or vegan) and the truck drivers and my husband for buying the food and my stove for working, then I’ve slowed down enough to not be rushing into my meal. I also try to put my fork or spoon down sometimes and check in with myself.  Is the food tasty?  Am I still hungry?  What am I feeling?  I put the utensil down and look out my window, think about my day or my son and something funny he said.  I put an intention into my day of peace and joy and happiness.  It works, because food should be eaten with JOY not with punishment…but more on that in another post.

Your Turn

So what do you think? Have you ever tried tracking your eating in this manner? Does it work for you or do you find yourself slipping back into old destructive habits?  Hiding what you’re eating from the chart – which no one should see if you’re doing this for yourself – but I know that feeling, oh I shouldn’t write down the Peanut Butter Cups I just ate, because those are “bad” and I will be a “bad” person because I ate those.  That’s bullshit and I’m here to tell you that, if you want to track that you enjoyed every last bite of those PB Cups, then write them down.  If you ate them and barely remembered, write that down too so next time you buy them you’ll slow down and enjoy them. I’m not telling you not to eat them, because chocolate is a major food group for me and I need it a few times a week in some way or another.   Enjoy life…and that includes food!  Thoughts?

 

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I Feel Like A Failure

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Get ready for some real talk.

For the past few years I have been learning about and implementing Health At Every Size (HAES) and Body Positivity into my life, but for the past few months, I’ve been hating myself and my body.  Generally, I feel like a failure. A big fat failure.

I am fat.  That’s a fact.  I don’t say this as a negative thing, I say it as if I would say, I’m tall. It’s a descriptor – nothing more and nothing less.

I had negative self-talk going through my head for years – and I don’t know where it came from as my parents and my immediate family have always been loving, kind, and amazing – but I would hear things like: You are too fat to exist, you shouldn’t be allowed to be outside or eat in front of strangers, you are worthless, you are stupid, you totally suck!

Body Positivity, HAES, and Intuitive Eating along with working with a nutritionist and therapist have helped – I have made huge strides.  I started doing Facebook Live videos, finished my book and self-published it on Amazon, started marketing and meeting other writers and readers online.  I stopped hating myself all the time and started truly enjoying life again.  But lately, I’ve been sliding into the negative self-talk again.  I’ve been eating to console myself, to make myself feel better when I’ve had a somewhat bad day, or I didn’t sleep well, or just because it’s Tuesday.

Hate

And for me, at least, when I start to hate my body and it’s size it slips into other areas.  I start telling myself things like: you are a bad mother, you are a terrible friend, people don’t like you, how dare you think you should exist, or be outside, or talk to people.  You suck!

What I hear in my head is not always pretty, and it’s not the truth – this I know.  But in the moment, when I’m already feeling down, I believe the voices. Luckily, I still have all of my supports in place and will be talking to each of them, leaning on them, relying on them, and continuing the hard work but I feel like a failure. I feel like I have failed at being a good person because I slid back into self-hatred and not fully embodying self-love.

I feel like, once again, I just proved the voices right – that I suck, that I can’t do anything right because I screwed up again.  The thing is, I haven’t screwed up – I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t set the world on fire, I didn’t start a war or anything, but I still feel like I failed myself.  I showed myself that I am unworthy. Again.

Food

It’s weird, too, because when I hate myself I eat poorly (now I’m going to stop right here and say that no food is inherently BAD or GOOD, it’s just FOOD – but I know for ME and me only that I feel better when I eat proteins, veggies, fruits, and drink more water). I don’t exercise or get any movement in.  I feel bad, eat crap, don’t move, feel worse – oh right, it’s because I suck – rinse and repeat.

When I’m feeling more positive, I take better care of myself.  I walk or dance or do yoga because it’s fun! I eat food with lots of colors and textures and I look forward to cooking and fixing my plate.  I feel better, I do better – I keep feeling better, rinse and repeat there too.  Until it stops.

This time though, I knew to stop and ask myself – when was it last working?  When was I last feeling good, doing good? What can I do to get back there? 

For me, it’s reading some Body Positive books and Journaling. 

Love

So I grabbed a book from the library called Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth that’s been amazing and I started back with my morning mindset practice (which I talked about HERE). And I’m slowly coming out of the fog of self-hatred and back to feeling better about myself and where I’m headed.

And I’m going to keep talking and working with my nutritionist and therapist.  I’m going to keep moving one foot in front of the other, forgiving myself and being compassionate about my mistakes and my missteps, but it’s hard.  It’s hard to be still and love myself when I feel like I’ve failed.  I need space and time and kindness – towards my self.

I also need people, my community, my tribe – I need to continue doing the things I love – writing these blog posts, connecting with people on Instagram, doing my Facebook Live videos because I’m an extrovert and I need that connection.  I work from home so I don’t always see people in real life during the day, but if I can feel connected to writers, readers, fans, and family or friends I will feel better.  I know this, but when you are knee deep in feeling like you suck, you assume everyone thinks you suck and you withdraw – and for an extrovert, that’s horrible.  It’s the exact wrong thing to do.

You?

So I’m here – being completely open and honest and brave in what I’m owning up to.  I feel like a failure, but I’m still growing and learning. I’m trying and failing, getting back up and trying again.  What do you guys do when you feel like you’ve failed at something?  How do you handle these feelings of I Suck? How do you get yourself back on track with your goals?

 

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