Tag: you can do it

Coffee as a Reward? It works!

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Well, I had thought I was going to talk about how I use timers and rewards to fuel my writing life, but yesterday I realized I don’t use timers and rewards. I want to and I used to, but I haven’t added that back into my routine this year YET.

Late last year, while I was working on the second draft of my novel, I was using my lovely Alexa to set a timer for doing word sprints. Once I was done with my session then I could either do another one (if I had time) or I would stop for the day feeling quite proud of myself and give myself a reward or a treat. At the time it was drinking my coffee. That’s right, I was delaying coffee (one of my absolutely favorite things) until after I had gotten in my writing session for the day. And it worked!

What happened? I got done with the draft and sent it to my editor and decided I needed a break. And I did need a break from writing and editing and all that, but I should have kept up with the timer/reward system in some way because I am having one heck of a hard time getting back into the swing of things this year now that I have a third draft to do. 

The other thing that happened is I created a new morning routine that I thought was working, but then I realized just yesterday that I don’t have time to write now. I was trying to do it in the afternoon after my son got home from school while he did his math homework, but that wasn’t working. I tried doing it before I started my day job but that wasn’t working either.

I knew something needed to change, so I thought through my morning routine and decided to switch things up going forward. I wake up at 5:30 am and wash my face, brush my teeth, grab a glass of lemon water and meditate. That takes a little less than 30 minutes. Last month I would then journal and scroll my phone for another 30 minutes before waking my son up. NOW I’m going to take my laptop with me into the living room and write after I meditate. AND I will add back in the coffee as my reward if I write for at least 15 minutes.

How about you? Do you use timers and rewards in your everyday life? Are your routines working for you or are they causing you stress? Is there any way you can make a tiny (or big) change and try that for a week or two – as an experiment – to see if it makes a difference?  Let me know by commenting below and we can do this together!

 

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Success Does NOT Happen Overnight

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I love autumn..sweater weather, pumpkin spice coffee drinks, new TV shows to start watching, and the changing colors of the trees.

Staring out our bedroom window, I have a great view of this one giant tree as it changes from green to various hues of fall.  I noticed something yesterday though for the first time – it changes from the top down.  And this made my little brain start turning its wheel.

We are like this tree.

To change anything in our lives, we have to start with our minds – you know, that thing at the top – our brains.  All positive change, change that you want to make happen, has to start there first.  It just has to, or it won’t work.

For example, when I was starting out on this author journey and had my first book done and needed to start thinking about editing and decisions about publishing, I had to declare myself a writer.  I had to start thinking about myself as if (remember, from last week) I was a professional author.

I touched on this briefly last week with Acting As If and the questions, but it involved work.  It involved asking myself questions, writing down answers, and changing my mindset.  I had to change from the top down.  I had to think of myself a certain way, act that way, and show myself that I was that way.

Changing your mindset doesn’t happen overnight, in fact, there will be hiccups and setbacks and feeling like a failure and starting all over again (but luckily not at square one).  Like the trees, change is slow at first and then bursts into color almost all at once.  That’s why people think change happens overnight – they don’t see the process.

Like that tree, the only reason I noticed the change is because we live on the 4th floor and therefore I look down on the tree – but when I walk underneath that tree, I don’t see the beautiful colors yet.  If I was just walking by in, say, two weeks and notice how pretty that tree is I would think that happened very quickly, but nope – it takes time.

So…what are you working on right now? Are you changing your mindset about anything? Are you feeling frustrated because it’s taking FOREVER? Give yourself a little grace and a lotta love and some more time.

Seriously, you’ve got this – and let people think it happened overnight!

 

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I Stopped Stopping and Started Again

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Why do we stop ourselves?  Why do we stop doing the things that we know help us?  Do we want to stay stuck?  Or is that just me?

See, I can write a bunch of things and blame everyone else, but the truth is – I stopped.  I stopped doing my morning pages, stopped walking, stopped dancing, stopped singing, stopped getting my tarot cards out, stopped finding my joy.  I stopped being happy.  I let the circumstances, the stress, the drama, and the work get in the way of me and my happiness.  I stopped because it got too hard, too busy.  I stopped because I was too tired, too stressed out, too mad at everyone around me (okay, not everyone…but I swear, people are the worst!).  I stopped. Me, I did that.

I don’t necessarily want to stay stuck in a rut, stuck in a “mood” as it were, but once you are there it is sooooooo hard to stop, so hard to get out of that place – that comfy place of discomfort.  I know, that makes no sense, unless you’ve been there – but trust me, once you get to that place, it’s almost impossible to find your motivation again, to find the “get up and go” that you need to try again, to start again.  It’s so hard to get out of the mood and start being happy again, especially when your life is still chaotic, stressful, and murky.  (Yes, I got that word from Phoebe on Friends – come at me, bro!) I had to make a choice, I had to decide to stop. I had to start doing something else. So, I stopped stopping and started again.

Not fully…but I am writing again – in fact, the first draft of novel #2 is underway – and I’m rearranging my life to get rid of some of the stress, the drama, and the work to allow myself some space to breathe, to play, to just BE for a while.  I work hard, maybe too hard, and I push myself until I can’t push any longer, then I get sick or something happens that makes my world crash and I have to stop.  This time, I’m stopping before that happens.  I’m getting off the merry-go-round, on my own accord.

What does this mean?  I’m not sure yet. All I know is that these last few months have seen me stressed out, irritable, angry, and mad at the world.  I have literally said the words, “I hate everyone!” at least once a week (or more).  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  I don’t want to be bitter and angry.  I want to be happy and joyous.  I want to feel light and fulfilled.  I’m taking some control back in my life and giving myself permission to be happy, to do the things that make my soul sing.  Watch silly Romantic Comedies (Music and Lyrics anyone?), play Disneyland on my Xbox with my kid, dance to every silly 80s song on YouTube just because, and write and keep writing and write some more.  Because I love writing.

Have you stopped doing something that you love?  Have you stopped allowing the space and time for the things that make you happy?  A few weeks ago I talked about how we aren’t really taught how to be happy, and I think it’s so easy to give up the happy feelings and the things that make us happy for similar reasons.  Misery loves company, but I believe happiness does do – so join me below, let me know the things you love to do and the last time you allowed yourself some time to do them and let’s keep each other accountable. Happiness can be our normal, I believe it can.

 

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We Are Not Taught How To Be Happy

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

The writing mastermind I’m a part of online has been discussing various aspects of our personal and business journeys in relation to End of Year Goals – as the final 100 days of 2018 approaches. In one of the discussions, we started talking about Joy and Doing Things that Make You Happy and a lot of us had a hard time coming up with lists of things that make us happy and activities that bring us joy.

Everyone in the group could think of people and a few items, but it took a while to come up with a substantial list – especially when it came to things we enjoy doing. We all realized that we aren’t taught how to be happy in this life. This is not a slight against anyone or their upbringing – I’m saying this a whole, as a community, as a country. We are not taught how to be happy.

We are taught right from wrong, strong work ethics, how to be a good person overall – all good things by the way – but HOW TO BE HAPPY? Not really on the list. We usually do find things along the way that lights us up growing up, but how many of us still do the things that made us happy when we were kids and had fewer responsibilities?  I’m going to bet, not many.

So, I want you to take a few minutes today and think – what makes you happy? What brings you joy? Write it down. Spend five minutes and think about the people, places, things, and activities that make you happy, make you excited, make your soul sing. Then try to incorporate more of those into your day. I know, I know you’re going to tell me you don’t have time – trust me, I know!

Let’s say you put music down as an enjoyable thing that makes you happy. Can you listen to music on your way to work or school? Can you take a 5 or 10 minute walk at lunch and listen then? Let’s say you put down talking with a friend. Can you schedule a phone or Skype date with one of them and actually put in your calendar? Can you text a friend you haven’t spoken with in a while and just see what’s up? Ask about grabbing a coffee?

We deserve to be happy. It’s hard out there – we are all stressed and have mile-long to-do lists, but if we don’t take just a few moments every day to be happy, to spend time doing something enjoyable, then what is the point? What is the point of the hard work? What’s the point of running around and completing that mile-long list of endless to-do’s?

Let’s teach ourselves how to be happy and then maybe we can pass that information down to our kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews – so the next generation can change the world and be happy!

If you would like to share your list below in the comments, I would love to see them because I am still discovering things to try, things that might make me happy. If you’d like to see my list – let me know and I’ll post it below as well. I hope you have a great day and that you find some HAPPY in it.

 

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The Process of Learning as an Adult

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I’m learning how to play the guitar!  My brother gifted me one of his old guitars – a Fender Squier Acousto-Electric – with a lesson book and DVD, some new picks (red, of course), and a really nice soft-sided case.

The first day back home with my new instrument, I held it in my hands and strummed some with both my fingers and the pick.  Tim, my brother, had tuned it for me so it sounded good but I did not.  Then I popped in the DVD and started, very slowly, working through the first lessons about how to hold the guitar and how to play certain notes using the strings.  Within 10 minutes my usual negative self-talk started – it said things like, “You are too old for this, why did you think this would be fun?” and “Wow, you suck – you’ll never learn this!”  I can be really mean to myself, but I’ve been working on this kind of negative self-talk with both my nutritionist and my therapist over the past year so I knew it for what it was – resistance, fear, and nervousness.

So, I took a break – for one thing, my poor left-hand fingers were getting sore – and put the guitar away, but here’s the thing, and this was huge for me, I picked it back up the next day!  I tried again. I didn’t let those voices get to me.  At least for one day, but they kept getting stronger and I kept feeling more and more stupid and old.  I have 4 decades of being on this planet and countless times where I had no idea what I was doing and needed to learn something and I always want to run away first and I always have to push myself through to get to the wonderful other side.

This time, my 6-year-old son is helping me with this process.  He works so hard going to school, learning new things – I mean, he is in first grade and is learning spelling words, has math tests, and just finished a report – he amazes me every day.  He also is a huge cheerleader for me.  When I play and I hit a wonky note and make a face, he giggles and tells me to try again or gives me a thumbs up or dances around the apartment while I plink out my new notes.  When I’m working out on the weekend and can’t do another set and I’m groaning, he runs into the bedroom and says, “Mommy you can do it!  Keep going!” and then when I’m done he gives me a huge hug.  When he’s at school and I’m doing the hard things, I remember his words and keep going.

Also, I see him struggle and want to give up and run away and I realize this has been the way I have dealt with new things for a while.  When I started singing Cabaret, just me and a piano in a small room in NYC, it was scary – I felt naked up on stage, exposed and raw – and I would finish a song and cry for what felt like hours, but I kept going back because I loved performing and singing for others.  It was hard and I wanted to run away, but I didn’t.  When I started working on my novel and things got hard or scary – I wanted to run away and hide and throw the whole thing in the trash, but I didn’t because I love writing and want my book to find it’s readers.

So I want to change how I deal with things so I can teach him that it’s okay to try, to fail, to fall down and get back up and try again, to keep going just because it’s fun, or you want to learn, without any other reason.  Yes, he has to go to school because it’s the law – but I want him to learn to love the process of learning and to do that I have to learn the process of learning.  For today, that means picking up the guitar even if I feel silly, even if I have fear and want to run away, even if I’m afraid it will never be “perfect” – because screw that! I want to have fun!!

What new things are you learning? Or do you run away from newness and learning and that horrible feeling of not perfect?  What do you want to learn?  Maybe we can help each other out – maybe we can be cheerleaders for each other and keep us on the “we’re doing this because it’s fun” path!

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