Author: Jennifer Gregson

New Year…Who Dis?

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Hello to 2019 and to my lovely readers.  How were the holidays for everyone?  How has January been so far?   Christmas was really nice and a little crazy (seven year olds are good for that) and January has been a bit of a whirlwind as I onboard two new Virtual Assistant clients, gear up for another 6 months of helping my son’s Parents’ Association, and finishing up the first draft of my next novel!

While reading through the old blog archives, I  realized that I’ve never really introduced myself (and if I have…it was years ago) so no time like the present to give you a few facts about ME!

1. I was born and raised in St. Louis, MO and went to college in Springfield, MO so I spent the first 24 years of my life in Missouri.  I loved growing up in St. Louis (and I lived in the city – if you’re familiar with the city, I grew up just a few blocks from The Hill across Hampton Avenue) we had an amazing Art Museum, Science Center, The Arch, good food, and Botanical Gardens.

2. I was homeschooled from sixth grade through High School.  The one thing St. Louis didn’t really have was good public schools.  I hated school, like so much I did not want to go back and would get sick (either real or fake) to stay home.  We tried a few other options (that didn’t really work – including a private religious school – which was worse that the public school in terms of how kids treated one another and the teacher’s being weird bullies themselves) but eventually we landed on homeschooling and I thrived.  I was able to do my regular school work along with all the passions that I had – photography, theatre, writing, and music.  It was a multi passionate kid’s dream!

3.  To go along with Number 1 – I moved to New York City right before my 25th birthday having never visited (I also didn’t have a ton of people that I knew there – there was a few friends of friends, or people I went to college with but weren’t exactly close to) but I flew up there with my parents, dropped my stuff at the 92nd Street Y (where I was staying) and immediately fell in love with the city.  By the first night, standing on the Staten Island ferry, watching the lights of the city start to come on I turned to my Mom and said, “I’m home!” and it’s true then and it’s true now.

4. I moved to New York City to pursue my first love of musical theatre.  I took classes, singing lessons, went on auditions, and did a few off-off-off-off broadway shows.  I had fun when I was doing something, but the constant rejection finally took it’s toll and I decided to hang up the towel.  I still love musical theatre and Broadway, but it’s not a huge part of my life anymore and actually I’m okay with that.  For years, after I “quit” auditioning, I couldn’t watch The Tony awards – it was just too hard – now it’s just not that entertaining because I don’t know as many of the shows.  Although – if someone has some Hamilton tickets lying about – I’ll take them off your hands.  HA

5. I love coffee!  While in college I got really into teas and so some of my “old” friends think it’s funny how much I love coffee, but coffee was my first love.  I’m the youngest and my much older brothers both drank coffee as did my parents (my sister did not drink coffee though) so I wanted to be like everyone else, so they would let me have some with milk and sugar and it was heavenly.  I’m not a coffee snub, I know what I like and I enjoy every last drop every day!

6. I’m multi passionate – I mentioned this up in number 2, but although I love writing novels I also love learning about witchcraft and shellwork, pulling tarot cards and researching meanings and history, I love music and still want to learn how to play that guitar properly, I love singing and entertaining still even if I’m not auditioning, and I love planners and planning, I love helping my clients with their VA stuff, and I love so many other things – I never realized there was a term for it – I just assumed I was flighty, but nope – I’m just multi passionate and it’s been a glorious discovery!

7. Random facts: I type 100 words per minute with about a 98% accuracy rate.  I worked at The Disney Store for about 6-8 months after college (if you know St. Louis, it was the Crestwood Mall location – which sadly isn’t there anymore).  I haven’t drive a car since August 2001 (since moving to New York City).  I know about 95% of Friends episodes – meaning I can recite the whole show while it’s going on, and I’ve even been known to know an episode just from a screenshot or line from the show.  (I can also do this with certain movies – Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, and Ferris Bueller)  

Okay, so here’s seven things about me — what else would you like to know?  Ask below – I might do a part 2 if I get enough questions, or I might just answer them in the comments.  Also — I have a few ideas for the next few blogs, but then I’m tapped out, so if you have any ideas of what you’d like to see from me and this blog, let me know!  

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Goodbye 2018, Hello 2019

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Baby New Year is about to make his appearance again as we say goodbye to 2018 and ring in 2019.  Every year around this time, as I’m scrambling to buy Christmas gifts (seriously, why do I always wait until the last flipping minute?) I’m also thinking, planning, and gearing up for new goals, new dreams, and new experiences.

Goodbye 2018

2018 saw so many of my big writing goals come true – I started a newsletter/mailing list (psst…if you haven’t signed up yet, you get a FREE short story anthology eBook and awesome notes from me twice a month – sign up here ) and I self-published my debut novel, The Art of Lying (available from Amazon), in April!  I started working on my 2nd novel and started outlining my 3rd novel. I took classes, started working with my writing coach, and wrote more words than I have in the past two or three years combined!

2018 also saw us taking a non-Disney vacation and having a great time – we went to Great Wolf Lodge and did all the big water slides and enjoyed the lazy river! We spent time with family, we hung out with friends, and my kid started second grade (how is that possible?!?!).  This past year I also quit working for the VA company I was working for and went out on my own – and immediately got two kick ass clients (swoon!).  It’s been a pretty good year, and next year looks to be just as amazing!

I always choose three words to help guide my year – this year it was Courage as my main word and Magic and Open as my support words.  I definitely called upon my inner courage to achieve my goals and to quit the VA company and have faith in myself to go out on my own.  I started reading and studying and practicing witchcraft and using magic to manifest my dreams and I was open to ideas, people, and things that came into my life – seemingly from nowhere – to help guide me toward my big goals.  So this year, I sat and I thought and I journaled and I came up with Joy as my main word and Sacred and Balance as my support words.

Joy 

The past few years have been filled with grief and sadness and I want to enjoy the little moments in every day, I want to write with joy every day, and I want to enjoy my time on Earth for as long as I’m gifted.  I want to enjoy hobbies, friends and family, and my day job.  I want to feel lighter, happier, and be more pleasant to be around.

Sacred

I want to treat my body and my apartment and the Earth as sacred places.  I want to treat myself with kindness, find movement that’s fun and helps me feel like my best self. I want to clean up and organize our apartment so I can have friends over and know where things are – not be so frazzled.  And I want to continue finding ways to treat our home planet with love and understanding and that includes the people that inhabit it as well.

Balance

I want to have time for everything, including myself, every week.  My son, my husband, my parents, my family, my friends, my hobbies, my writing, my day job, etc and so on and so forth.  We all wear so many hats and I want each hat to get its time during the day, week, or month.  I want to feel whole and centered throughout the day knowing that each thing will get its time.

Hello 2019

And with my words come my big goals…and this year I decided to be a little loose with things.  I want to have certain areas of the apartment “finished” by mid-year.  I want to have Etta (book #2) done and up on Amazon by the Fall. I want to have started Circus (book #3) by end of year – meaning, first draft done and to my editor and possibly starting the edits by this time next year so we can self-publish in early 2020.  I want to have a rotating list of fun movements that I can do every day depending on energy level and weather.  

I want to have a rotating list of activities that bring me joy that I can do at least once a day.  I also want to learn to play my guitar so I can actually play one song by this time next year.  I want to attend a real life NYC planner event and make some planner girl friends.  I want to be consistent with Instagram (I have a whole plan for how to do this – but I don’t want to bore you – just know I want to post every week day, do some stories and engage with other writers and YA readers online).  

I also want to take another vacation this year – most likely over the summer – with my husband and son.  We just need to see if we can swing Disney or if we need to branch out and try something else.  I have a ton of dreams, plans, and mini goals to help me with these steps – but I’m not being super rigid.  I mean, this past year I had to throw out 78K words of a first draft because my story idea completely changed and I need to make sure that I have space for those kinds of things, because life happens.

Now, it’s your time — do you choose a word for the year?  Do you big goals for the new year? Or do you do 90 Day or Quarterly goals?  Do you have a vacation or ideas already in the words for 2019?  I want to hear from you, so share in the comments below. And have a safe and happy Christmas and New Year’s Eve!!!  

See you next year!

Self-Care Isn’t Selfish

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I wasn’t going to write about self-care today, but I saw this ad that really kinda irked me.  It’s for a random cookie company and the print ad is just a lovely white background and a picture of the cookie and the ad copy says: Ahhh, self-care!  That’s it, nothing else.  And tiny in the corner is the cookie company name and logo.  I love that we as a society are talking about self-care and how self-care isn’t selfish and that it is definitely needed, but marketing companies have now latched on to that idea and turned it into a money making scheme.

Starbucks is not the only way

And this bugs me because self-care and the conversations around the subject are mostly aimed at women – we don’t know how to say NO, we take on too much, we don’t ask for help (this is an over generalization – I know that not everyone has this problem) – and now we’re buying told that buying the cookies, buying the lattes, buying the weighted blankets are self-care.   Trust me, time at Starbucks to drink a grande white chocolate mocha while I read a book is totally self-care for me, but it’s not the only way!

I’m not trying to discount the need for fuzzy socks, good coffee, and products to help us feel more like ourselves.  Not at all – but self-care is also learning to say NO to things you truly do not want to do OR knowing you are tired and taking a nap OR talking to a friend or therapist about some deep-seated issues or just the fact that your husband or partner pissed you off.  Those are self-care items too.

Treadmill Vs Napping

Self-care is so individualized for each person, each month, each day, each moment.  My self-care routine and your self-care routine should look different.  You might like pole dance exercise classes and I might like dancing to YouTube videos.  You might like running on a treadmill while I like lighting candles and doing spell work.  You might like napping, I might like singing.  It should look different.  And your Monday is definitely going to look different than your Friday – and that’s okay!

Each person needs to figure out what their self-care routine is going to look like or need to look like and it changes based on the day, time, stressor, or mood. I’m not quite sure if I have a point or any suggestions, other than to say don’t let ads sway you.  If you don’t let ads tell you what type of laundry detergent to by, then don’t let them sway you into what self-care IS and NEEDS to be to be determined “real” self-care.  

Listen, if you like a particular kind of cookie or treat and taking that time each day with a cup of coffee or tea then yes, that most definitely is self-care – buy the cookies, have the pretty plates and cups! But if you think that’s all that self-care is – just buying things and being a consumer, then maybe we need to re-think what self-care is.

Everybody needs TIME

Self-care isn’t selfish –  I believe everybody (and I do mean everybody -women, men, and children) needs time to just be, to refill their cup, to do the things that make them happy –  EVERYBODY needs that. We are told, as a society, that taking time like that is bad,  that it’s lazy,  that you shouldn’t need that….but then that same society is pushing buying things as self-care as the only acceptable way.  I’m here to tell you – NO…buy the things that make you happy, but real self-care should be YOURS and yours alone. 

I believe that as long as you communicate your needs to others and make sure the people in your life are on board and that everyone gets the time they need, then whatever you do for that self-care is fine (you know, barring it’s not hurting anyone else).  It’s healthy to take that time away from providing for others and just provide for yourself.  Read the book, watch the TV show, have the latte, buy the cookies and blankets and fuzzy socks – but make sure it’s what YOU want, not what you think society wants.

What are you going to do today for self-care? Tell us in the comments below.  Me? I took a walk and actually dictated this blog post and now I’m going to have a lovely cup of French Vanilla coffee and watch an episode of a TV show I just started on Netflix before diving into work.  I hope you have an amazing day!

 

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I Stopped Stopping and Started Again

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Why do we stop ourselves?  Why do we stop doing the things that we know help us?  Do we want to stay stuck?  Or is that just me?

See, I can write a bunch of things and blame everyone else, but the truth is – I stopped.  I stopped doing my morning pages, stopped walking, stopped dancing, stopped singing, stopped getting my tarot cards out, stopped finding my joy.  I stopped being happy.  I let the circumstances, the stress, the drama, and the work get in the way of me and my happiness.  I stopped because it got too hard, too busy.  I stopped because I was too tired, too stressed out, too mad at everyone around me (okay, not everyone…but I swear, people are the worst!).  I stopped. Me, I did that.

I don’t necessarily want to stay stuck in a rut, stuck in a “mood” as it were, but once you are there it is sooooooo hard to stop, so hard to get out of that place – that comfy place of discomfort.  I know, that makes no sense, unless you’ve been there – but trust me, once you get to that place, it’s almost impossible to find your motivation again, to find the “get up and go” that you need to try again, to start again.  It’s so hard to get out of the mood and start being happy again, especially when your life is still chaotic, stressful, and murky.  (Yes, I got that word from Phoebe on Friends – come at me, bro!) I had to make a choice, I had to decide to stop. I had to start doing something else. So, I stopped stopping and started again.

Not fully…but I am writing again – in fact, the first draft of novel #2 is underway – and I’m rearranging my life to get rid of some of the stress, the drama, and the work to allow myself some space to breathe, to play, to just BE for a while.  I work hard, maybe too hard, and I push myself until I can’t push any longer, then I get sick or something happens that makes my world crash and I have to stop.  This time, I’m stopping before that happens.  I’m getting off the merry-go-round, on my own accord.

What does this mean?  I’m not sure yet. All I know is that these last few months have seen me stressed out, irritable, angry, and mad at the world.  I have literally said the words, “I hate everyone!” at least once a week (or more).  I don’t want to be that person anymore.  I don’t want to be bitter and angry.  I want to be happy and joyous.  I want to feel light and fulfilled.  I’m taking some control back in my life and giving myself permission to be happy, to do the things that make my soul sing.  Watch silly Romantic Comedies (Music and Lyrics anyone?), play Disneyland on my Xbox with my kid, dance to every silly 80s song on YouTube just because, and write and keep writing and write some more.  Because I love writing.

Have you stopped doing something that you love?  Have you stopped allowing the space and time for the things that make you happy?  A few weeks ago I talked about how we aren’t really taught how to be happy, and I think it’s so easy to give up the happy feelings and the things that make us happy for similar reasons.  Misery loves company, but I believe happiness does do – so join me below, let me know the things you love to do and the last time you allowed yourself some time to do them and let’s keep each other accountable. Happiness can be our normal, I believe it can.

 

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Coming Out of The Broom Closet

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I’ve always been fascinated by the moon.  When I was little, I thought about being an astronaut for a brief moment – until I watched the Challenger blow up on TV while sitting in the elementary school auditorium next to a hundred other scared children.  But I still loved looking up at the moon, wondering what was up there, watching her from my window sill.

In college, I took a Greek Mythology course and fell a little in love with these gods and goddesses.  Especially Dionysus, Mercury, and Persephone.  I was a theatre major so the Greeks held a special place in my heart from years of studying the origins of acting and actors. Right now I’m starting to read up about Iris, the female companion to Mercury – she was the messenger to the gods, and goddess of the rainbow.  YES!

A few years ago, I bought a Goals workbook by Leonie Dawson and in the back, it had a Tarot Planner for the year ahead – where she suggested you pull a card for each month.  I had heard of Tarot but didn’t really know much so I used an online generator and did the exercise.  Then a few months later, a writing workbook I had suggested finding a tarot deck to help with character and plot development.  I bought my first deck and started studying it, buying books and online courses.  I was fascinated with the archetypes, the fun imagery.  I now have two decks and a few more that I have my eyes on.

Earlier this year, while scrolling through Pinterest, I kept coming up on these posts and images about Wicca and Witchcraft and somehow and they captured my attention, my heart, and my imagination.  I bought an eBook from Amazon and was taken right then and there with spell work, setting new moon intentions, and finding your own personal inner goddess to work with. I have quickly added to my growing book collection and have started studying, learning, and practicing.

All of these stories down memory lane is my way of saying – I’m a witch!

I am coming out of the broom closet to say that I have found something that makes me feel connected to the Universe, to other people, and to myself.  AND to Mother Earth and her Moon companion in ways I never did before. 

I was baptized a Lutheran and went to just about every Protestant church denomination there was growing up.  I am not giving up my Christian upbringing, but I’ve never been one for organized religion in the first place.  I find most churches (MOST) too misogynistic, too man-centric, too rules-oriented for just the women and children, too stuffy, too old school.  I’m not saying I’m going to start celebrating Yule and not Christmas – in fact, this year I would like to do things for both!  Just like I’ll be doing things for both Samhain and Halloween. I’m not giving up, I’m adding to – which feels so wonderful.

For me, my witchcraft journey is about empowering myself to feel connected to the Universe, to fulfill my dreams and my goals, and to think of things larger than myself.  To give me tools and “spells” to help my intentions become reality, to help me manifest my dreams and wishes, to give me community, to give me a sense of peace in this crazy world.  I love doing candle spells, drawing sigils, doing tarot readings, watching and using the Moon cycles, and reading about The Wheel of the Year.

As we approach Samhain, which some consider to be the Witch’s New Year, I thought I would tackle a few topics each week this month to share my new found witchy knowledge.  Share the resources I’m using, how I write sigils and do candle magic, how I work with the moon and it’s phases.  If you have particular questions – be ask and I will answer to the best of my ability.

And for those friends and family members that might be seriously confused – no, I don’t follow or worship Satan, I don’t curse or hex anyone (and don’t plan on it either), and I don’t judge anyone by the religion (or non-religion) they choose – I am still me, just on a  slightly different spiritual path that has me feeling happy and fulfilled.

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Under Pressure

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Stress…every adult has felt it at some point or another.  Some thrive on it, or claim to thrive on it, and others find ways to deal with it when it rears its ugly head.  Some hide away from it, ignore it, freak out about it, or deal the best they can and then burn-out.

I had a crazy, chaotic day yesterday and I thought I handled things better than I have in the past.  Not saying I was perfect, did my share of freaking out, but it was a bit more contained than normal. So I thought I would share some tips and tricks that I think might help you the next time you’re having ONE OF THOSE DAYS!

Write it Out

Write a quick to-do list, even if you normally keep everything on your phone – writing a quick list of everything on your plate might help you see your day better, maybe you can move stuff around more than you thought you could.  Or, turn on the timer for 2-3 minutes and just write out your frustrations.  Get out the annoying things that are clogging up your day.  (Tip – and this is TMI, but if you’re really strapped for time, do this while you’re already in the bathroom – you know, doing your business – I told you, it’s a bit gross, but instead of mindless playing Angry Birds, write out your stress)

Vent

Have a friend, partner, or significant other that you can vent to?  Great! Tell them you just need to talk for a few minutes and then let it rip.  That might work better for you than writing it down. Or, if you don’t have anyone to talk to – talk to yourself.  Yes, you’ll look like a crazy person, but it might help to just let the steam out…like one of those Instant Pots – you have to release the valve at the end before you open the lid.  Otherwise, the whole thing could blow. Yikes!

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

Stop blaming yourself.  I am sooooo guilty of this – even if the stress has nothing to do with me, I find a way to blame myself.  Even if you are guilty of causing the stress – oh well, placing blame isn’t going to take away the immediate stress you feel so stop, deal with your day the best you can, and then later – when it’s calm and you feel better – assess what went wrong and what you could do to avoid the situation in the future.  Stop making yourself feel worse just because it’s one of those days.

Be Kind to Yourself

To go along with that, be nice to yourself.  I was feeling crazy pressure to get a whole bunch of stuff done and laundry was on that list.  So I raced down to the laundry room in our apartment building and the machine still had 5 minutes left so I sat, and I took 5 minutes to just breathe, think through things, look over my list, and watch a cute YouTube video.  That 5-minute pause really was all I needed to get through the next few hours of Nutty Running Around.  I did it again after lunch too and then again after we got home from a meeting.  What would make you feel good even for just 2-5 minutes? Try to find or make the time.

Admit You Can’t Do It All

My son’s birthday was this past week and I had arranged a small snack-time party at school with his class.  Now I make a mean cupcake, and I could have baked up 3 dozen and frosted them all with homemade buttercream – but why?  Why would I do that to myself when I’m also trying to write a book, work, volunteer with the Parent’s Association, be a wife and mother, be a friend, be a daughter – you get it?  Why?!?!  So I went to the store and bought his favorite frosted Chocolate Donuts and he was happy, his classmates were happy, and I was happy.  That’s what I call a Triple Win Baby!  Is there anything on your list that someone else could handle?  Or even future YOU could handle?

Reward Yourself

Stressful day is over? Did you manage to get through it alive? GREAT! Grab your favorite beverage, dessert, movie, or TV show and give yourself the gift of slowing down and enjoying something.  Tell yourself that you did a great job, even if in the moment it all felt like it was going to hell in a handbasket.  You made it.  You did it!  I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself.

Do you feel better?  Do you feel like maybe the next time all the stress falls on your shoulders you’ll be better equipped?  No…make your own list.  What do you think MIGHT work for you? Write it down as a note in your phone and when you have ONE OF THOSE DAYS, grab your list and try something.  You never know what will help in the moment. For me, it was that 5-minute break in our laundry room to do nothing for Five Glorious Minutes…that helped me get through so much of my mile-long to-do list and gave me permission to do it again later in the day.

What do you do when you’re stressed out?  How have you managed to keep stress from causing you to tear your hair out or have you taken to wearing hats?  Let me know in the comments below.

 

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We Are Not Taught How To Feel Our Feelings

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Last week I talked about being happy, and how we aren’t really taught this growing up – for better or for worse.  This week I want to touch on something else most of us weren’t taught – how to feel our feelings.

Again, this isn’t a judgment thing – our ancestors were too busy struggling to find food and raise children the best they could with what they had, but if we stop and think about it – it’s a huge skill that needs to be taught.  I’ve been working with my nutritionist on this the past few weeks and it’s kinda extraordinary how important it is to our well being.

Bam! Information Overload

On Monday, I watched a video from my Editor/Writing Coach about my latest first draft – it was her general notes, overall impressions, and thoughts about my novel – and, although it wasn’t too negative, it became apparent that I needed to write a whole different story from a different character’s Point of View.  And I was feeling things – big things!

I was feeling stupid – I mean I just spent months writing 78,000 words and now it’s all crap?  I was feeling like an amateur – how dare I call myself a writer?!!? I was feeling conflicted and confused and usually, this sends me to the bottom of a cookie package or an entire box of Mac and Cheese.  Or I turn on Netflix, grab my phone, and completely numb out.  This time though, I just stood there and asked myself a few questions.

Stop! Hammer Time…Uh, I mean – Listen

What was I feeling? And where in my body? My shoulders were tight, my stomach was doing flips, and my heart felt heavy.  Great! Now what?  I stopped and felt my body and what it was trying to tell me, but I didn’t really know what to do with that.  I can tell you that just stopping and asking myself those questions did stop me from binging  (both food and Netflix) and let me see the problems I was facing with a clearer mind.

When I went into my nutritionist’s office on Tuesday I was still trying to sit with my feelings and we talked about what to do next. She suggested a few things – journal or talk things out, ask if there’s anything I can do to alleviate the feelings within my body – movement, singing, talking – and we googled pain symptoms and their meanings.  Shoulders and heart had to do with Authentic Self and being true to yourself, making sure you are heard.  Stomach had to do with feelings of confusion, fear, and worry.  Whelp — that’s pretty much described exactly what I was dealing with.  Being authentic with myself and owning up to my intuition and the fact that I’m still learning, I’m allowed to make mistakes, I’m allowed to start over.

How Dare You!

See, the thing was – part of me wanted to give up, the part that was ashamed I had made the mistake in the first place.  But my authentic self knew I would be destroyed.  I am a writer, and I’m a new writer – yes, I have one book published, but that does not make me some sort of expert.  Far from it, and that’s okay.  My body was telling me to listen to the rest of my soul, to the rest of the voices- the positive voices, the ones cheering me on and telling me it will be okay.

And so…I have come out on the other side without binging, without losing a day to Netflix and old Friends reruns, and I have a plan to move forward on my writing goals.  I have also come to understand myself a little bit better and I have a little bit more knowledge about how to stop and listen, feel my feelings, and move through them – not around them, not ignore them – listen to them, listen to what they are really trying to tell me.

Our Bodies Aren’t the Enemy

Have you ever learned how to sit with your feelings or do you ignore them?  If you have sat with your feelings, what happened?  I would love it if you’d share below in the comments.  I think the more we talk about these things, the more we learn and grow and realize that our bodies are not the enemy.

 

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We Are Not Taught How To Be Happy

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

The writing mastermind I’m a part of online has been discussing various aspects of our personal and business journeys in relation to End of Year Goals – as the final 100 days of 2018 approaches. In one of the discussions, we started talking about Joy and Doing Things that Make You Happy and a lot of us had a hard time coming up with lists of things that make us happy and activities that bring us joy.

Everyone in the group could think of people and a few items, but it took a while to come up with a substantial list – especially when it came to things we enjoy doing. We all realized that we aren’t taught how to be happy in this life. This is not a slight against anyone or their upbringing – I’m saying this a whole, as a community, as a country. We are not taught how to be happy.

We are taught right from wrong, strong work ethics, how to be a good person overall – all good things by the way – but HOW TO BE HAPPY? Not really on the list. We usually do find things along the way that lights us up growing up, but how many of us still do the things that made us happy when we were kids and had fewer responsibilities?  I’m going to bet, not many.

So, I want you to take a few minutes today and think – what makes you happy? What brings you joy? Write it down. Spend five minutes and think about the people, places, things, and activities that make you happy, make you excited, make your soul sing. Then try to incorporate more of those into your day. I know, I know you’re going to tell me you don’t have time – trust me, I know!

Let’s say you put music down as an enjoyable thing that makes you happy. Can you listen to music on your way to work or school? Can you take a 5 or 10 minute walk at lunch and listen then? Let’s say you put down talking with a friend. Can you schedule a phone or Skype date with one of them and actually put in your calendar? Can you text a friend you haven’t spoken with in a while and just see what’s up? Ask about grabbing a coffee?

We deserve to be happy. It’s hard out there – we are all stressed and have mile-long to-do lists, but if we don’t take just a few moments every day to be happy, to spend time doing something enjoyable, then what is the point? What is the point of the hard work? What’s the point of running around and completing that mile-long list of endless to-do’s?

Let’s teach ourselves how to be happy and then maybe we can pass that information down to our kids, grandkids, nieces, and nephews – so the next generation can change the world and be happy!

If you would like to share your list below in the comments, I would love to see them because I am still discovering things to try, things that might make me happy. If you’d like to see my list – let me know and I’ll post it below as well. I hope you have a great day and that you find some HAPPY in it.

 

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Mindful Food Tracking

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I’ve been working with my nutritionist for awhile.  First, we started with my mindset, being okay with who I am right here and right now.  Not putting off goals and life just because I carry extra pounds, being happy and enjoying life and food because life is meant to be enjoyed.  Once we felt like I was doing okay with that step, we moved on to mindful food tracking.  This can bring up so many emotions for a person who’s been dieting or “trying to change her eating habits” for years.  It can bring up memories of Weight Watchers journal and points, failed attempts at “watching” what I eat and about lying about certain foods on those journals because people will see them, people will judge me, people will punish me for enjoying chocolate.  This was different.  It was just for information to start seeing how my body reacts to hunger.  How my body tells me it’s hungry.  It was about learning and exploring and being curious.

Information vs Judgement

To track your food, mindfully, you need to be in the right frame of mind. This isn’t about judging yourself, beating yourself up for eating, or about calories.  The type of tracking I do for hunger and fullness cues from my body.  I believe that each of us is different.  I believe that our bodies react differently to being hungry and being full.  The problem with distorted eating (binge eating, binging-purging, or not eating) – it causes the body and the mind to stop talking and then you can’t really know what your body is trying to tell you.

Tracking

Start with a goal and keep it simple.  I started with wanting to figure out my hunger cues, then I moved on to the other side of that coin – fullness cues.  If you’re trying to see how balanced your meals are or why you’re raiding the office fridge at 3 PM then you’ll have different goals and different things to track.

Once you have an idea of what you want to track, think about how you want to track. Online app, spreadsheet, or a simple notebook? I have used all three and while I’m using a shared google sheet with my nutritionist now I really like simple notebook the best.

I started with Time, Food, Hunger/Fullness on a scale of 1-10 (for me, 1 on hunger was going to eat my own arm off and 10 was not hungry at all and 1 on the fullness scale was I still need so much food and 10 was going to need a wheelbarrow to get me away from this table full), and then a space for journal or notes.  I have just recently added a space for tracking my daily movement.

I keep it easy and simple without measurements.  I’ll write for breakfast:  2 eggs, sausage veggie patty, coffee, half and half, sugar, and grape tomatoes. Then I’ll write I had a level 5 hunger and afterward, I was at a 7 for fullness.  I ate breakfast at 8:12 AM and in the notes column I marked down that I finally remembered to put down the phone for the entire time I was eating. I also marked down that I went for a 10-minute walk this morning after I put my son on the school bus.  Done.

Helpful Tips

  • There are charts online with the hunger and fullness cues and I have one somewhere, but actually I had more fun when I wrote one for myself with funny sayings and things that might happen – like eating my own arm – it helps me connect better to the scale and to what I’m personally feeling, but I had to work up to that.
  • If you are unsure about what you’re feeling then wait five minutes and check in again.  I know they tell you to drink water if you think you’re hungry and it’s not time to eat, but I’m not sure I agree with that – that seems like old school diet talk.  If you’re hungry, you are hungry.  Hunger and the feelings associated with it are so hard – it took me months to finally figure it out and some days I still miss them.  Fullness was a tiny bit easier, but not by much.  I’ve been working on this with my nutritionist for a year and a half and I still don’t feel like an expert on my own body’s cues.
  • Start small, if writing down what you’re eating is too triggering for you, then just write down time and hunger or fullness levels and a maybe a sentence about where you are or what you’re feeling – maybe even one word.  8:12 AM, hunger 8, stressed – done!  At least you are bringing some attention to your body and your feelings before you sit down to eat.
  • Because for me, this is what it’s really about.  Bringing some attention to your body so you’re not a floating head.  Please tell me I’m not the only one that doesn’t fully live in side her body and walks around totally disconnected most of the time?  I mean, I’m getting better about this, but still – I run into walls, knock into tables, and think I’m smaller than I am because I’m not fully embodying my self.   
  • Slow down when eating. This was so hard for me and some days it’s still so hard for me, but if I can be present with my meal, say thank you for the farmers and the animals (since I’m not vegetarian or vegan) and the truck drivers and my husband for buying the food and my stove for working, then I’ve slowed down enough to not be rushing into my meal. I also try to put my fork or spoon down sometimes and check in with myself.  Is the food tasty?  Am I still hungry?  What am I feeling?  I put the utensil down and look out my window, think about my day or my son and something funny he said.  I put an intention into my day of peace and joy and happiness.  It works, because food should be eaten with JOY not with punishment…but more on that in another post.

Your Turn

So what do you think? Have you ever tried tracking your eating in this manner? Does it work for you or do you find yourself slipping back into old destructive habits?  Hiding what you’re eating from the chart – which no one should see if you’re doing this for yourself – but I know that feeling, oh I shouldn’t write down the Peanut Butter Cups I just ate, because those are “bad” and I will be a “bad” person because I ate those.  That’s bullshit and I’m here to tell you that, if you want to track that you enjoyed every last bite of those PB Cups, then write them down.  If you ate them and barely remembered, write that down too so next time you buy them you’ll slow down and enjoy them. I’m not telling you not to eat them, because chocolate is a major food group for me and I need it a few times a week in some way or another.   Enjoy life…and that includes food!  Thoughts?

 

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I Feel Like A Failure

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Get ready for some real talk.

For the past few years I have been learning about and implementing Health At Every Size (HAES) and Body Positivity into my life, but for the past few months, I’ve been hating myself and my body.  Generally, I feel like a failure. A big fat failure.

I am fat.  That’s a fact.  I don’t say this as a negative thing, I say it as if I would say, I’m tall. It’s a descriptor – nothing more and nothing less.

I had negative self-talk going through my head for years – and I don’t know where it came from as my parents and my immediate family have always been loving, kind, and amazing – but I would hear things like: You are too fat to exist, you shouldn’t be allowed to be outside or eat in front of strangers, you are worthless, you are stupid, you totally suck!

Body Positivity, HAES, and Intuitive Eating along with working with a nutritionist and therapist have helped – I have made huge strides.  I started doing Facebook Live videos, finished my book and self-published it on Amazon, started marketing and meeting other writers and readers online.  I stopped hating myself all the time and started truly enjoying life again.  But lately, I’ve been sliding into the negative self-talk again.  I’ve been eating to console myself, to make myself feel better when I’ve had a somewhat bad day, or I didn’t sleep well, or just because it’s Tuesday.

Hate

And for me, at least, when I start to hate my body and it’s size it slips into other areas.  I start telling myself things like: you are a bad mother, you are a terrible friend, people don’t like you, how dare you think you should exist, or be outside, or talk to people.  You suck!

What I hear in my head is not always pretty, and it’s not the truth – this I know.  But in the moment, when I’m already feeling down, I believe the voices. Luckily, I still have all of my supports in place and will be talking to each of them, leaning on them, relying on them, and continuing the hard work but I feel like a failure. I feel like I have failed at being a good person because I slid back into self-hatred and not fully embodying self-love.

I feel like, once again, I just proved the voices right – that I suck, that I can’t do anything right because I screwed up again.  The thing is, I haven’t screwed up – I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t set the world on fire, I didn’t start a war or anything, but I still feel like I failed myself.  I showed myself that I am unworthy. Again.

Food

It’s weird, too, because when I hate myself I eat poorly (now I’m going to stop right here and say that no food is inherently BAD or GOOD, it’s just FOOD – but I know for ME and me only that I feel better when I eat proteins, veggies, fruits, and drink more water). I don’t exercise or get any movement in.  I feel bad, eat crap, don’t move, feel worse – oh right, it’s because I suck – rinse and repeat.

When I’m feeling more positive, I take better care of myself.  I walk or dance or do yoga because it’s fun! I eat food with lots of colors and textures and I look forward to cooking and fixing my plate.  I feel better, I do better – I keep feeling better, rinse and repeat there too.  Until it stops.

This time though, I knew to stop and ask myself – when was it last working?  When was I last feeling good, doing good? What can I do to get back there? 

For me, it’s reading some Body Positive books and Journaling. 

Love

So I grabbed a book from the library called Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth that’s been amazing and I started back with my morning mindset practice (which I talked about HERE). And I’m slowly coming out of the fog of self-hatred and back to feeling better about myself and where I’m headed.

And I’m going to keep talking and working with my nutritionist and therapist.  I’m going to keep moving one foot in front of the other, forgiving myself and being compassionate about my mistakes and my missteps, but it’s hard.  It’s hard to be still and love myself when I feel like I’ve failed.  I need space and time and kindness – towards my self.

I also need people, my community, my tribe – I need to continue doing the things I love – writing these blog posts, connecting with people on Instagram, doing my Facebook Live videos because I’m an extrovert and I need that connection.  I work from home so I don’t always see people in real life during the day, but if I can feel connected to writers, readers, fans, and family or friends I will feel better.  I know this, but when you are knee deep in feeling like you suck, you assume everyone thinks you suck and you withdraw – and for an extrovert, that’s horrible.  It’s the exact wrong thing to do.

You?

So I’m here – being completely open and honest and brave in what I’m owning up to.  I feel like a failure, but I’m still growing and learning. I’m trying and failing, getting back up and trying again.  What do you guys do when you feel like you’ve failed at something?  How do you handle these feelings of I Suck? How do you get yourself back on track with your goals?

 

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