Tag: courage

OrangeTheory’s Transformation Challenge & What I’ve Learned About Myself

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

We are half-way through OrangeTheory’s Transformation Challenge and I have learned a few things about myself and just in general that I would like to share.

💪 I love the community aspect of OTF and the challenge BUT I’m not much of a joiner when it comes to the themed weeks. Sorry, but I only have regular workout clothes, not costume pieces. I do like the ones where we have to take pictures with other people and wear our colors.

💪 Going three times a week is still all I can manage right now. In fact, I did two classes in a  row (Tuesday and then Wednesday, both at 12noon) and I thought I was legit not going to make it to Friday.

💪 OrangeTheory is not only great for my physical health, but it’s also doing wonders for my mental health. I could be having the worst day ever but I come out of class with a smile on my face. 

💪 Even though I am slow and lift using lighter weights, I have amazing form and I am getting stronger and faster. I did some chest presses with 15-pound weights and I’m power walking at 3.3 mph consistently. For me, this is HUGE!

💪 InBody Scans definitely give you more information than a regular bathroom scale — I gained a pound during our midpoint weigh-in but according to the other numbers it was all muscle so score.

💪 I am a fitness person! I miss OTF when I’m gone for too long, I’m thinking of signing up for the DriTri (which sounds slightly terrifying), and I have a 5-year goal of participating in a RunDisney race — who am I?!?! I never thought I would be this person…EVER. 

If you are an OrangeTheory junkie, like me, how’s the transformation challenge been for you?  If you do some other type of exercise – can you see similarities between what I’ve learned and how it’s been for you as a fitness person? 

Let me know in the comments below – I would love to hear your stories of getting stronger and faster and having more mental health!

 

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Coming Out of The Broom Closet

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I’ve always been fascinated by the moon.  When I was little, I thought about being an astronaut for a brief moment – until I watched the Challenger blow up on TV while sitting in the elementary school auditorium next to a hundred other scared children.  But I still loved looking up at the moon, wondering what was up there, watching her from my window sill.

In college, I took a Greek Mythology course and fell a little in love with these gods and goddesses.  Especially Dionysus, Mercury, and Persephone.  I was a theatre major so the Greeks held a special place in my heart from years of studying the origins of acting and actors. Right now I’m starting to read up about Iris, the female companion to Mercury – she was the messenger to the gods, and goddess of the rainbow.  YES!

A few years ago, I bought a Goals workbook by Leonie Dawson and in the back, it had a Tarot Planner for the year ahead – where she suggested you pull a card for each month.  I had heard of Tarot but didn’t really know much so I used an online generator and did the exercise.  Then a few months later, a writing workbook I had suggested finding a tarot deck to help with character and plot development.  I bought my first deck and started studying it, buying books and online courses.  I was fascinated with the archetypes, the fun imagery.  I now have two decks and a few more that I have my eyes on.

Earlier this year, while scrolling through Pinterest, I kept coming up on these posts and images about Wicca and Witchcraft and somehow and they captured my attention, my heart, and my imagination.  I bought an eBook from Amazon and was taken right then and there with spell work, setting new moon intentions, and finding your own personal inner goddess to work with. I have quickly added to my growing book collection and have started studying, learning, and practicing.

All of these stories down memory lane is my way of saying – I’m a witch!

I am coming out of the broom closet to say that I have found something that makes me feel connected to the Universe, to other people, and to myself.  AND to Mother Earth and her Moon companion in ways I never did before. 

I was baptized a Lutheran and went to just about every Protestant church denomination there was growing up.  I am not giving up my Christian upbringing, but I’ve never been one for organized religion in the first place.  I find most churches (MOST) too misogynistic, too man-centric, too rules-oriented for just the women and children, too stuffy, too old school.  I’m not saying I’m going to start celebrating Yule and not Christmas – in fact, this year I would like to do things for both!  Just like I’ll be doing things for both Samhain and Halloween. I’m not giving up, I’m adding to – which feels so wonderful.

For me, my witchcraft journey is about empowering myself to feel connected to the Universe, to fulfill my dreams and my goals, and to think of things larger than myself.  To give me tools and “spells” to help my intentions become reality, to help me manifest my dreams and wishes, to give me community, to give me a sense of peace in this crazy world.  I love doing candle spells, drawing sigils, doing tarot readings, watching and using the Moon cycles, and reading about The Wheel of the Year.

As we approach Samhain, which some consider to be the Witch’s New Year, I thought I would tackle a few topics each week this month to share my new found witchy knowledge.  Share the resources I’m using, how I write sigils and do candle magic, how I work with the moon and it’s phases.  If you have particular questions – be ask and I will answer to the best of my ability.

And for those friends and family members that might be seriously confused – no, I don’t follow or worship Satan, I don’t curse or hex anyone (and don’t plan on it either), and I don’t judge anyone by the religion (or non-religion) they choose – I am still me, just on a  slightly different spiritual path that has me feeling happy and fulfilled.

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We Are Not Taught How To Feel Our Feelings

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Last week I talked about being happy, and how we aren’t really taught this growing up – for better or for worse.  This week I want to touch on something else most of us weren’t taught – how to feel our feelings.

Again, this isn’t a judgment thing – our ancestors were too busy struggling to find food and raise children the best they could with what they had, but if we stop and think about it – it’s a huge skill that needs to be taught.  I’ve been working with my nutritionist on this the past few weeks and it’s kinda extraordinary how important it is to our well being.

Bam! Information Overload

On Monday, I watched a video from my Editor/Writing Coach about my latest first draft – it was her general notes, overall impressions, and thoughts about my novel – and, although it wasn’t too negative, it became apparent that I needed to write a whole different story from a different character’s Point of View.  And I was feeling things – big things!

I was feeling stupid – I mean I just spent months writing 78,000 words and now it’s all crap?  I was feeling like an amateur – how dare I call myself a writer?!!? I was feeling conflicted and confused and usually, this sends me to the bottom of a cookie package or an entire box of Mac and Cheese.  Or I turn on Netflix, grab my phone, and completely numb out.  This time though, I just stood there and asked myself a few questions.

Stop! Hammer Time…Uh, I mean – Listen

What was I feeling? And where in my body? My shoulders were tight, my stomach was doing flips, and my heart felt heavy.  Great! Now what?  I stopped and felt my body and what it was trying to tell me, but I didn’t really know what to do with that.  I can tell you that just stopping and asking myself those questions did stop me from binging  (both food and Netflix) and let me see the problems I was facing with a clearer mind.

When I went into my nutritionist’s office on Tuesday I was still trying to sit with my feelings and we talked about what to do next. She suggested a few things – journal or talk things out, ask if there’s anything I can do to alleviate the feelings within my body – movement, singing, talking – and we googled pain symptoms and their meanings.  Shoulders and heart had to do with Authentic Self and being true to yourself, making sure you are heard.  Stomach had to do with feelings of confusion, fear, and worry.  Whelp — that’s pretty much described exactly what I was dealing with.  Being authentic with myself and owning up to my intuition and the fact that I’m still learning, I’m allowed to make mistakes, I’m allowed to start over.

How Dare You!

See, the thing was – part of me wanted to give up, the part that was ashamed I had made the mistake in the first place.  But my authentic self knew I would be destroyed.  I am a writer, and I’m a new writer – yes, I have one book published, but that does not make me some sort of expert.  Far from it, and that’s okay.  My body was telling me to listen to the rest of my soul, to the rest of the voices- the positive voices, the ones cheering me on and telling me it will be okay.

And so…I have come out on the other side without binging, without losing a day to Netflix and old Friends reruns, and I have a plan to move forward on my writing goals.  I have also come to understand myself a little bit better and I have a little bit more knowledge about how to stop and listen, feel my feelings, and move through them – not around them, not ignore them – listen to them, listen to what they are really trying to tell me.

Our Bodies Aren’t the Enemy

Have you ever learned how to sit with your feelings or do you ignore them?  If you have sat with your feelings, what happened?  I would love it if you’d share below in the comments.  I think the more we talk about these things, the more we learn and grow and realize that our bodies are not the enemy.

 

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I Feel Like A Failure

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Get ready for some real talk.

For the past few years I have been learning about and implementing Health At Every Size (HAES) and Body Positivity into my life, but for the past few months, I’ve been hating myself and my body.  Generally, I feel like a failure. A big fat failure.

I am fat.  That’s a fact.  I don’t say this as a negative thing, I say it as if I would say, I’m tall. It’s a descriptor – nothing more and nothing less.

I had negative self-talk going through my head for years – and I don’t know where it came from as my parents and my immediate family have always been loving, kind, and amazing – but I would hear things like: You are too fat to exist, you shouldn’t be allowed to be outside or eat in front of strangers, you are worthless, you are stupid, you totally suck!

Body Positivity, HAES, and Intuitive Eating along with working with a nutritionist and therapist have helped – I have made huge strides.  I started doing Facebook Live videos, finished my book and self-published it on Amazon, started marketing and meeting other writers and readers online.  I stopped hating myself all the time and started truly enjoying life again.  But lately, I’ve been sliding into the negative self-talk again.  I’ve been eating to console myself, to make myself feel better when I’ve had a somewhat bad day, or I didn’t sleep well, or just because it’s Tuesday.

Hate

And for me, at least, when I start to hate my body and it’s size it slips into other areas.  I start telling myself things like: you are a bad mother, you are a terrible friend, people don’t like you, how dare you think you should exist, or be outside, or talk to people.  You suck!

What I hear in my head is not always pretty, and it’s not the truth – this I know.  But in the moment, when I’m already feeling down, I believe the voices. Luckily, I still have all of my supports in place and will be talking to each of them, leaning on them, relying on them, and continuing the hard work but I feel like a failure. I feel like I have failed at being a good person because I slid back into self-hatred and not fully embodying self-love.

I feel like, once again, I just proved the voices right – that I suck, that I can’t do anything right because I screwed up again.  The thing is, I haven’t screwed up – I didn’t kill anyone, I didn’t set the world on fire, I didn’t start a war or anything, but I still feel like I failed myself.  I showed myself that I am unworthy. Again.

Food

It’s weird, too, because when I hate myself I eat poorly (now I’m going to stop right here and say that no food is inherently BAD or GOOD, it’s just FOOD – but I know for ME and me only that I feel better when I eat proteins, veggies, fruits, and drink more water). I don’t exercise or get any movement in.  I feel bad, eat crap, don’t move, feel worse – oh right, it’s because I suck – rinse and repeat.

When I’m feeling more positive, I take better care of myself.  I walk or dance or do yoga because it’s fun! I eat food with lots of colors and textures and I look forward to cooking and fixing my plate.  I feel better, I do better – I keep feeling better, rinse and repeat there too.  Until it stops.

This time though, I knew to stop and ask myself – when was it last working?  When was I last feeling good, doing good? What can I do to get back there? 

For me, it’s reading some Body Positive books and Journaling. 

Love

So I grabbed a book from the library called Women, Food, and God by Geneen Roth that’s been amazing and I started back with my morning mindset practice (which I talked about HERE). And I’m slowly coming out of the fog of self-hatred and back to feeling better about myself and where I’m headed.

And I’m going to keep talking and working with my nutritionist and therapist.  I’m going to keep moving one foot in front of the other, forgiving myself and being compassionate about my mistakes and my missteps, but it’s hard.  It’s hard to be still and love myself when I feel like I’ve failed.  I need space and time and kindness – towards my self.

I also need people, my community, my tribe – I need to continue doing the things I love – writing these blog posts, connecting with people on Instagram, doing my Facebook Live videos because I’m an extrovert and I need that connection.  I work from home so I don’t always see people in real life during the day, but if I can feel connected to writers, readers, fans, and family or friends I will feel better.  I know this, but when you are knee deep in feeling like you suck, you assume everyone thinks you suck and you withdraw – and for an extrovert, that’s horrible.  It’s the exact wrong thing to do.

You?

So I’m here – being completely open and honest and brave in what I’m owning up to.  I feel like a failure, but I’m still growing and learning. I’m trying and failing, getting back up and trying again.  What do you guys do when you feel like you’ve failed at something?  How do you handle these feelings of I Suck? How do you get yourself back on track with your goals?

 

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Do You Feel Your Age?

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

Funny story…I don’t feel like an adult half the time.  I mean – I have a day job, I pay bills, I have a kid! But most days I still feel about 25 years old (which, okay, some of you might say, 25 – that’s still an adult) but when I was 25 I was moving to New York City, auditioning for Broadway and Off-Broadway (and let’s be honest Off-Off-Broadway) shows, taking acting and singing and dancing lessons – I wasn’t really doing the adult thing.

Here comes some huge truth bombs…I’m 41 years old (turning 42 this year), but I still feel like that 25-year-old. I still have a hard time contemplating that the 1990s were 30 years ago and that I moved to NYC 17 years ago.  My Mom and I were talking when I was home for my son’s Spring Break and she mentioned that she always felt 40, even as a kid (she’s in her 80s now) and I thought that was interesting.  Do we ever feel the age we are?  

I don’t think I always felt 25…and sometimes I don’t act 25 (I can be a moody teenager some days, or a tantrum-y tree year old) – but I think I felt more ME then.  Or maybe that’s when I felt most like ME – I knew who I was.  I think I got stuck there, mentally.  My Mom worked with her parents and siblings picking cotton from the time she was old enough to hold the large cotton bag (true story) so she always felt responsible and grown-up.  She didn’t get to be a kid like I did.  She always felt like an adult, whereas I never really did.  Like I said, I paid bills and was fairly responsible with my actions, but mentally – I’m this care-free teenager.  Which is probably why I love to read and write Young Adult books and watch TV shows like Riverdale (I mean it’s Dawson’s Creek meets Twin Peaks…what’s not to love?)

I sometimes resent having responsibilities and chores and laundry and dishes (we don’t have a dishwasher) because in my mind 25 year me didn’t have those – but I did, I had laundry and dishes and a day job and all that other stuff….so I don’t know why my mind makes me think that time was so much better.  It was fun, but having a family and a cute little kid is fun in a different way.  And I have a much better handle on what I want to do with the rest of my life and that’s exciting. So, why can’t I remember I’m 40? Why do I have to stop and think about how old I am when someone asks – I’m taking doctors, not randos on the street (that would be weird).

I think the other thing that makes it hard to feel 40, I find typical “adult” things hard – like doing my hair, meal planning, and making friends. See my mantra has always been: Just because you’re an adult, doesn’t men you don’t have to grow up…but the thing is, doing some “adult” things would make life easier – like having a cleaning routine or being able to do my hair in other ways (seriously – I wash it, dry it, and move on) So that’s why I decided to write a whole series of articles this month around the theme of “I don’t know how to Adult” –  stay tuned.

So, what do you think?  Do you feel your age? Or do you feel older or young and why?  I’m curious.  Thank you and if you have any issues you can’t figure out that you assume all other adults have figured out, let me know in the comments and I’ll put them on the list.  Because Adulting is Hard!

 

PS – The Art of Lying is Available now on Amazon…check it out!

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The Art of Lying is NOW Available!!!!

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson
The Art of Lying, Jennifer Gregson's Debut YA Novel, is NOW available on Amazon!

Someone pinch me because I’m not quite sure this is really happening right now – my book, this labor of love, is available for people to actually buy on Amazon, right now!  What?!?!   I checked my notes and I’ve been working on this baby since 2011, that was the same year my son was born and he’s SIX!  What??!?!

Life has a funny habit of getting in the way, but I always came back – more determined and more capable with each derailment.  I had freak outs and false starts.  I had mini-breakdowns and crying fits.  But I loved this book, I loved this main character – I mean, she wouldn’t leave me alone – I loved writing so I kept coming back and little by little I finished.  I wrote a full first draft, I edited this thing twice on my own, then searched for an editor (I found an amazing one by the way- if you need an editor, check out The Bookish Fox – Sarah is the best!), she went through it twice with me fixing things in between.  I found a cover designer (did you see that cover?!? She totally rocked – Mariah Sinclair for the win, people!) and a Self-Publishing 101 course that helped me figure out the ins and outs of indie publishing and Amazon and keywords and…well, you get the picture.  It was a lot of work, but I’m so proud of myself and this book.

The Art of Lying has been an amazing ride and I’m so, so glad I get to finally share it with you, my lovely readers.  To read more about the book, head to my new Books page HERE and to purchase (thank you!) head to my Amazon Author page HERE.

I have had some twisty turns the last few years, but I now know that I am a Writer and that I’m meant to write Young Adult books – to connect with teens and young adults, to entertain them, to help them through this awkward phase and show them that they are not alone.  If you have a teen or young adult in your life that loves books by Rainbow Rowell, Julie Murphy, or John Green then send them here because they will love The Art of Lying!  Thanks!

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Consistent Inconsistency

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I have a bad habit of inconsistency.  I start projects or goals with so much gusto, so much energy but usually, I fall off in a matter of weeks. I’m very consistent in my inconsistency too as I’ve had this bad habit for years (decades really).   Here are a few examples: I started meditating daily a few months ago.  I was doing great, hitting streaks in my meditation app and feeling calm, centered, and positive.  Then something happened (who knows what it was – but I was probably sick or missed a night) and bam, the streak was broken and I was out of sync. Now, a normal person would probably just start back, but this is a hard concept for me to grasp so instead I just quit meditating altogether.  I haven’t even opened that app since.

Exercise is another one that I do this with ALL THE TIME.  I will start with a routine or a plan, and I’ll get – maybe 3-4 weeks and then something will happen and I’ll miss a day, or I’ll get sick, or go on vacation or…you get the idea…and I’m off track and out of sync and I just can NOT get back into it.  I have a mental block that keeps me from just jumping back in without panic, without overly worrying, without breaking down.  It’s annoying and I’ve realized it needs to stop.

Problem Meet Solution

Okay…so I’ve admitted my problem, that’s the first step, right? Next comes the plan – it’s called the Respawn.  Yes, that’s based on video games where when your character dies you can come back to life at a checkpoint, the last place you finished or leveled up.  I got this idea from Nerd Fitness, the group I’m a part of online for Health and Wellness and all things Geeky, but I never really took the idea to heart or thought much about it…because at the time I heard about it I was IN IT, I was on track and things were going GREAT!  Now they are not.

So, I’m going back to when things were ON for various things I want to get back to including exercise, meditation, some self-care stuff I let slide, and nutrition (eating my veggies mostly). I’m looking at where I was and what was working.  Using the meditation app and a timer, for instance.  Or using my 8 Minutes in the Morning book (which has a plan for exercise with moves and a journal). Or using my cuticle balm and hand cream while watching Jessica Jones before bed.  Or cutting up veggies and keeping them in a baggie or Tupperware in the fridge so they’re ready for a quick grab and go lunch or snack.

Solution = Plan

Next…actually plan these things back into my week slowly.  Pick one I want to add back in, add it to my online To-Do app or write it in my daily planner and just start.  Then pick another one and do the same thing.  But here’s where it gets tricky, for me, I get worried because I fall off so many times – I was serious when I said the only thing I’m consistent with is my inconsistency – it’s true, I fall off and I stay off.  That’s why I’m implementing a Respawn policy: It’s okay to fall off as long as you come back, always and as many times as you need to, just remember to keep track of where you level up or hit a checkpoint so you don’t start over at Level 1.

Here’s the truth – you never truly have to start all the way over from Square One – because you know things now, you have the experience (even if it was only 1-2 weeks or heck, even a few days you know things now – maybe you know what didn’t work and that’s good information too!).  If I can remember that and keep that in mind when I start then I don’t overwhelm myself because I will fall off, it’s just in my nature – I get derailed over little things and instead of fighting that, I will try to work with it.

How About You?

Do you need to Respawn with anything?  Do you need to start over with a goal or habit that you dropped off or out of? Let me know in the comments and we can help each other, I could even help you brainstorm some ways to get back on track – or tell me where you Leveled Up or what “checkpoint” you’ve already hit and let’s see what we can do to get things back in the groove!

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I Hate to Cook, but I Love to Eat!

Posted on by Jennifer Gregson

I’m on a quest this year to take better care of myself and my health.  This includes spending time in the kitchen cooking meals with real food.  If you love to cook this isn’t hard, but I hate to cook…I’ve had panic attacks in the kitchen while trying to cook.  Even just thinking about cooking can send me into cold sweats, but ordering in or eating crap food makes me feel crappy and keeps my weight at a place that doesn’t make me happy.  When I eat more veggies, more protein, and other real foods I feel better.  I have more energy and I get more done.  I have more overall patience and can take care of others better because I’ve taken care of myself first.

Courage

My word of the year is Courage so my nutritionist asked me to take that word and apply it to the kitchen, food, exercise, and my health in general not just my writing goals.  We came up with a list of ways to do this including trying new foods (both at home and when going out or ordering in), cooking more meals, and being more creative when it comes to meal planning and shopping.  So, I took some of my Christmas money and bought a cookbook called The Can’t Cook Book! By Jessica Seinfeld and I went through it and picked out one recipe to try.  Sweet and Spicy Chicken Wings and it was fairly easy to make and was super tasty so we added it to our monthly rotation of meals.  Then I picked out a 2nd recipe (who am I?) and tried that one – this time Chicken Drumsticks with various marinades – we chose the Mustard Rosemary option and I cooked those.  Again, fairly easy and really yummy!

Crock Pot

As you may remember, the gas in our building was turned off due to a small explosion (and then the building needed to upgrade pipes so it was MONTHS before it was turned back on) and we got quite a bit of use out of the crockpot.  Well, that was easy for me to throw stuff in and set it and forget it while working from home so I’ve been doing 1-2 meals a month this way, especially since my husband has been working a lot of over time (normal for this time of the year).  Usually I would just fix crappy food for myself for dinner, make sure my son had something to eat and call it good, because hubby is the one that really loves to cook and is good at it too, but this year I’ve been really trying to eat better even when he’s not home to cook dinner.

Done, not Perfect

Am I perfect?  Heck no, I slip up and fall back into old patterns all the time, but it’s one meal here or there not all the time.  I had already added good breakfasts and lunches into my routine a few months ago, so adding in dinners and working on my snacks (which I’ll talk about soon) was the next step in my journey to Intuitive Eating and being mindful about what goes into my body and how I feel when I eat a certain way.

What are your favorite dinners? Do you use the crockpot or the new favorite, the Instant Pot, to make dinners easier?  Do you have a great easy cookbook you could recommend?  I use Pinterest a lot to find easy meals, especially for my slow cooker, so hit me up over there with your ideas and suggestions!  And do you love to cook or do you tolerate it? Or…do you ignore it like I used to?  Maybe we can keep each other accountable in this area – just let me know in the comments!

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